FOOTBALL CHALENGES: ZLATAN VS RONALDO THE SPRINT CHALLENGE And mobility scooters are not allowed, old man! Trust me, Zlatan will win… This is going to be a walk in the park! Just like Serie A… He couldn’t keep up even with that aero-dynamically perfect nose cone! Ronaldo wins! What the hell? Yes! Zlatan wins it by a nose! Zlatan can do that with his wanger too… Why would you even want to? POINT TO ZLATAN! THE TOP-BIN CHALLENGE Your top when you signed for Man United… In the bin…
Point to Zlatan! What? That’s not what a top bin challenge is, you top tit! POINT TO ZLATAN! THE CROSSBAR CHALLENGE Age before beauty… Yes! It’s not like you to set someone else up, so thanks… Yes! I too would have kicked it at your face, but your nose would have burst the ball… DRAW! Zlatan hasn’t finished yet! Zlatan wins! I haven’t finished yet! Put your back into it! Perfect! Great pass Junior! Well he hasn’t learned that from you… Siii! DRAW! Zlatan hasn’t… ONE POINT EACH THE POETRY CHALLENGE Yes! I love poetry! That sounds a little bit gay. Coming from Mr. Goattee over there… Are you calling Zlatan gay?
Come over to my house tonight and Zlatan will show you who’s gay… That sounds a little bit… I hadn’t finished, bring your sister. Which one, I have two… Both! And bring your mom. She knows the address already You disgust me… Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I love myself
Siii! Zlatan refuses to perform poetry Yes! Point to me! Siii! Now that’s a little bit… POINT TO RONALDO, POINT DEDUCTION FOR ZLATAN! THE TRUE GEORIDE DIRECT MESSAGE CHALLENGE CUT! Because it’s a little bit g- Because it’s a little bit gross! THE DECIDER THE FIFA 20 BETA CHALLENGE Let’s settle this once and for all, MLS vs Serie A! The loser has to admit their league is inferior! Deal! LA Galaxy, ready! Where the hell is the Old Lady? Still in my bed probably… I meant where is Juventus… Italy, idiot! I meant on this menu… Serie A, idiot! I’ve been through the Serie A teams three times, Juve aren’t there!
What a sh*t game this is! Well that settles it – Serie A is inferior! Agreed! Why don’t you pick Piemonte Calcio? That’s not even a real team! What is this abomination?
FIFA bullshit! We need a new decider! THE DECIDER V2: FIGHT TO THE DEATH CHALLENGE What?! Fight to the death! Yes! But he’s a black belt at Taekwondo!
The only black belt I have is designer and worth 250000 Euros! Mummy! You’re mummy can’t help you now! Not the face! Even worse, the hair! And the face! Double whammy! This is for insulting my nose! I’m a galactico, get me out of here! Okay… Piemonte Calcio?! They’ve even copied our stadium! It is your stadium, idiot! Greatest of all time?
You’re not even the Greatest Ronaldo of all time! Well you’re just a sh*t Carlos Vela! What?! If only Juve had signed Lukaku. He’d have come to my rescue crushed you by now! Literally! He’s 42 stone! Castle Gayskull? Now that’s a little bit g— oh, my sister’s better not be in there! I have the… Pride? I have the… Butt-plugs? I have the… Village People locked in your bedroom? Power! Now that is a lot g… Stop being hemanphobic! I’m not! I didn’t say I had a problem with it! It’s 2019! Time to end this! Wait! Wait! Wait! You’ve forgotten, one thing! What? By the power of endorsements…
CR7 has the power! Shoope! Shoope?! No! GOAT SHOPEE! No! BUY ONLINE! NO – WANT TO DIE! Make it go away! Siii! It’s mine at last!
You meat-headed, Ikea-loving boob!