😠Eden Hazard … Zidane wants a REFUND!😠


Hello. Bonjour, I’d like to return an item please. Yes. This Belgian attacker I purchased from you over the summer. What seems to be problem? Well, it said on the label that he was World Class. And? The only thing about him that is World Class is his equator. I’m sorry to hear that. Did you follow instructions? What instructions? Number 1, keep him out of the sunlight. He’s lived in England for the last seven years, so sunlight will kill him. But we live in Madrid. Precisely. There’s your first problem. Urgh, what else? 2. Keep him away from water. Why? He’s got a reputation for diving. That’s unfair! Shut up! Sorry boss. And Number 3. Probably most important… Don’t ever EVER feed him after midnight… No matter how much he begs. Why not? Have you seen how tight his shirt is now? He wasn’t like that when you bought him. Goddamn it, I thought I was buying a top athlete! Not a gremlin! I want a refund! Sorry sir. We can’t offer you a refund. What? Why? This business has stopped trading. This is disgraceful! I want to speak to your manager. Okay. Frank! What seems to be the problem? This customer would like a refund on this item. I thought I was buying a galactico. They only thing about him that is galactic… …is his circumference. I’m afraid we can’t do a refund, this business has stopped trading. I told him that. Why? Well, FIFA charged us for trafficking foreign teenagers, or something like that. Really? Yes. These days we only handle young English lads. Just like our ex-chief scout did in the 1970s. What IS this place? And he hasn’t even mentioned the racist fans yet. Shut up! Sorry boss. I’m just so hungry. Here he goes… Just a snack, please? No! But it’s not after midnight yet. He has a point. It’s not after midnight yet. May I politely point out that every minute of the day is after midnight. Of course. Now it all makes sense. No! Look, we can’t offer you a refund. But we can offer you an exchange… …on the black market. *coughs Er, Frank. Oh yes sorry, I’m at Chelsea now. I should have said on the “white” market. This guy’s available. A white, American shooter? Yes. A white American shooter. Christian. Well most white American shooters normally are. No, that’s his name, Christian. Oh. As good as new. He’s not – underage is he? Nope. 21. Great. And does he come with instructions? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never really used him before. I’ll take him. Deal. Welcome back Eden. Oh, and while I’m here… I’d also like to return another item. RUN! That’s the first time I’ve seen him run in weeks. *Courtois laughs Shut up, Tibo.

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