100 thoughts on “A School District’s Defense: Mini Baseball Bats

  1. Do those little bats come with a three year Filipino martial arts class? Because then they might be of some use. Especially against raiding Spanish explorers with swords and ponies. Not so much against guns, but you can’t have everything.

  2. How about a Claymore mine at the door of each classroom that the teacher can set off via a smart phone app? Nothing could go wrong with that, right?

  3. I feel like you were harsh on the schools unnecessarily; school districts don't have the authority to enforce gun control, so this is what they have to do.

  4. =) Stephen is funny. The bat and rock thing wasnt real though right? i feel silly asking but the gun debate has become so absurd these stories could potentially be real at this stage.

  5. After cracking up and needing to press pause to regain myself I thought of this quote

    Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." – Arthur Conan Doyle

    So once you remove sane ideas whatever remains, no matter how stupid must be our course of action!

  6. The only time I've seen rocks help against a shooting was the Ewoks vs. the Galactic Empire. And the Ewoks used slingshots

  7. If you're going to shit on an idea, explain why it sucks and TRY to think of a better one. Gun violence is a very difficult issue and dumb ideas should be welcomed. That's how you find the best ideas. And, while these ideas aren't great, they also aren't that bad. If a shooter comes in the room, I'd rather have a bucket of rocks than nothing. Shooters in real life aren't invincible or perfect shots. Disrupting and delaying his plan will save lives. Throwing rocks at him will distract and impede him. Rocks can kill people.

  8. as I child I saw a young man with a base ball bat murdered by someone who threw a rock (I'm not joking) do I get to demand we ban the world's oldest weapons of war in school now? Am I allowed to incist that guns are not the problem or do I need to be in a school shooting to be qualified?

  9. I’m from Pa and one of my high school teachers said that if a dangerous person tries to get in, start throwing chairs and desks at the door

  10. "While it's important to shine a new approaches to preventing guns in schools, …"
    Someone needs to go back to school to learn english.

  11. I have a much better idea.
    Put an NRA lobbyist in every classroom so he can stand between the gunman and everyone else, because after all guns don't kill people, so why should he be afraid.

  12. Where did they find a budget for rocks? (in seriousness though, these are schools, doing best they can, they shouldn't have to be figuring how to hold off AK-47s)

  13. I grew up in Erie of which Millcreek is a suburb and this is one of the daffiest administrative orders ever dictated. Come on now, what is a mini bat going to do versus someone with an AR? If someone is spraying a round a second how are you going to even get within 6 feet of them with a mini baseball bat. Millcreek this is worse than the bucket of rocks and you elected this school board personnel???? Seriously????

  14. At this point, if they are going to give the students rocks, the students should also be provided with a few slingshots… That seemed to workout well for David… I am sure it will work against guns…

  15. “Never take a ____________to a gun fight” – now, we have all heard knife but I am pretty sure I would not want to take a toy bat either! Nor do I think teachers should be armed with guns either, talk about confusing the hell out of the security or police that show up! Metal detectors and/or security locked doors on classrooms or panic buttons throughout the schools??

  16. Put giant electric magnets on the roofing of every school, if a shoutout starts, you just flip a switch and all the guns get stuck in the ceiling. Problem solved!

  17. I might have an idea, why not use what schools do best and teach kids how to solve problems without use of violence. If teachers can't help, maybe you don't need schools anyway.

  18. It's official. Republicans blew their brains out long ago and are now just NRA lobbying zombies!
    Or Zomponies, according to Stephen. ;2

  19. So many "solutions" to gun violence and none of the "solutions" involve implementing gun control. America is a seriously messed up place that "tackles problems" in the same way pre-schoolers "tackle problems"….in the dumbest, least effective way possible.

    Way to go, America. You keep right on driving over that cliff while the rest of the world gets on with life.

  20. The person who thought up issuing mini-baseball bats likely earns three times what the teacher expected to use it as a self defense weapon does….

    On a lighter note, in 1918 British army officers charged machine guns with similar sized bats, results were decidedly unimpressive

  21. "To defend against potential shooters, we've decided to give you a bat for protection."
    "Okay, sounds silly, but at least it's someth-" sees the bat
    "…Why is it so-"
    "This is all that was in the budget."

  22. That’s not a baboon – just saying – if you’re going to use the word that many times you should prolly get the pic right? Love the show!

  23. This may be funny, but the reality of how fucking dumb and weak this nation is certainly is NOT funny. It's about the guns. PERIOD! Too damn many of them! This is a nation SWIMMING in guns. I'm EMBARRASSED at how stupid we are! SERIOUSLY? Bats??? Rocks??? Rome fell from within. So will we…so long as we are THIS fucking stupid!!

  24. Let's petition to arm the teachers with Nerf guns.
    They're guns but not really, so win-win.
    It's Nerf or nothing.

  25. It should not be sold, should not be bought
    Should not be used, should not be shot.
    It stalks behind clubs, and inside schools
    Supported by selfish fools.
    It comes first and follows after,
    Ends life, kills laughter.

    The answer is an AR-15……15……15…….

  26. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot. I believe that's what most kids say. Let that serve as a reminder. There are kids who will never play this game again. Kids whose lives were ended because of these shootings. I don't know that we can ever completely stop shootings, but arming our teachers isn't the answer. We can't combat violence with more violence. That's worse than doing nothing. I don't have the answer, but I think gun control is the best place to start.

  27. Knowledge, Is Power! Voting Info-2018 For My Constant Muse Dr Theodore Adams Prof of Sociology♥ https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2018/2/12/1739176/-Knowledge-Is-Power-Power-To-The-People

  28. Lol wow…one of the best segments I can remember…some real "let's get high and take topics to the point of extreme, extreme absurdity" comedy right there…

  29. Two students approach the front door to their school.
    Student A: Uh…who are you?
    Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Threshold of Doom must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
    Student B: Uh…okay?
    Bridgekeeper: What…is your name?
    Student B: John.
    Bridgekeeper: What..is your quest?
    Student B: Dude, really? You're going to make us late to class. I have a test in first period to take, too.
    Bridgekeeper: What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
    Student: B What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
    Bridgekeeper: Huh? I… I don't know that.
    The bridgekeeper implodes.
    Student A: How do know so much about swallows?
    Student B: Well, you have to know these things when you're in AP Physics, you know.

  30. America, even if one day you'll get rid of that idiot president and all his inhuman followers – the world will not forget what you have done to your own citizen, other countries and the whole world. You have forever stained yourself with grief, anger and injustice and nobody will come to aid you. You wanted to be the first and best at everything, now you pretty much hit rock bottom. Congratulations.

  31. And as always, Stephen showing his love for Tolkien revisiting one of the famous riddles of the contest between Bilbo and Gollum!!!
    kudos from a Tolkien fan!!!

  32. I think it's better than leaving them to be sitting ducks. 3 or 4 people who step up with a 16 inch wooden or metal rod and went to town on an active shooter and saved even 1 life would be hailed as heroes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *