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School shooters can suck it. Grab a rock from the bucket!
Do those little bats come with a three year Filipino martial arts class? Because then they might be of some use. Especially against raiding Spanish explorers with swords and ponies. Not so much against guns, but you can’t have everything.
How about a Claymore mine at the door of each classroom that the teacher can set off via a smart phone app? Nothing could go wrong with that, right?
Wait, nothing about "sticks and stones"? Colbert, you're slipping
I feel like you were harsh on the schools unnecessarily; school districts don't have the authority to enforce gun control, so this is what they have to do.
=) Stephen is funny. The bat and rock thing wasnt real though right? i feel silly asking but the gun debate has become so absurd these stories could potentially be real at this stage.
watching the stupidity of some people…. is depressing. I bet people were always this way, too.
Omg, Colbert is on a roll and getting funnier each coming day, well done sir
After cracking up and needing to press pause to regain myself I thought of this quote
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." – Arthur Conan Doyle
So once you remove sane ideas whatever remains, no matter how stupid must be our course of action!
What's the batter with this idea? Really
Rock paper scissors lizard Spock! LOL
"I know what you're thinking: What a stupid idea!
But hold that thought … 'cause you're gonna need it again."
Sadly, the bats are large for Trump's bigly hands to hold.
It's an Egg, right?
Well . . .fuck
Stupid idea, get some swords if you need a melee weapon
Teachers are now expected to….go after and combat terrorism? teachers….let that sink…..
The only time I've seen rocks help against a shooting was the Ewoks vs. the Galactic Empire. And the Ewoks used slingshots
If you're going to shit on an idea, explain why it sucks and TRY to think of a better one. Gun violence is a very difficult issue and dumb ideas should be welcomed. That's how you find the best ideas. And, while these ideas aren't great, they also aren't that bad. If a shooter comes in the room, I'd rather have a bucket of rocks than nothing. Shooters in real life aren't invincible or perfect shots. Disrupting and delaying his plan will save lives. Throwing rocks at him will distract and impede him. Rocks can kill people.
as I child I saw a young man with a base ball bat murdered by someone who threw a rock (I'm not joking) do I get to demand we ban the world's oldest weapons of war in school now? Am I allowed to incist that guns are not the problem or do I need to be in a school shooting to be qualified?
I’m from Pa and one of my high school teachers said that if a dangerous person tries to get in, start throwing chairs and desks at the door
Republicans are absolute jokes
The cameraman's laugh though, one of the best parts of this show.
"While it's important to shine a new approaches to preventing guns in schools, …" Someone needs to go back to school to learn english.
I have a much better idea. Put an NRA lobbyist in every classroom so he can stand between the gunman and everyone else, because after all guns don't kill people, so why should he be afraid.
Where did they find a budget for rocks? (in seriousness though, these are schools, doing best they can, they shouldn't have to be figuring how to hold off AK-47s)
Here's the best defence: proper mental healthcare in schools
This is funny!
I grew up in Erie of which Millcreek is a suburb and this is one of the daffiest administrative orders ever dictated. Come on now, what is a mini bat going to do versus someone with an AR? If someone is spraying a round a second how are you going to even get within 6 feet of them with a mini baseball bat. Millcreek this is worse than the bucket of rocks and you elected this school board personnel???? Seriously????
Is it an egg??
At this point, if they are going to give the students rocks, the students should also be provided with a few slingshots… That seemed to workout well for David… I am sure it will work against guns…
It’s a bit past April Fools Day isn’t it?
“Never take a ____________to a gun fight” – now, we have all heard knife but I am pretty sure I would not want to take a toy bat either! Nor do I think teachers should be armed with guns either, talk about confusing the hell out of the security or police that show up! Metal detectors and/or security locked doors on classrooms or panic buttons throughout the schools??
If he's got paper you are screwed! Hahaha
Hahaha ask him riddles hahaha
Damn, this is our world.
Put giant electric magnets on the roofing of every school, if a shoutout starts, you just flip a switch and all the guns get stuck in the ceiling. Problem solved!
Ya because let's get abusive teachers wepons, that's totaly going to work.
How about a slingshot
I think the bucket of rocks is a good idea.
I might have an idea, why not use what schools do best and teach kids how to solve problems without use of violence. If teachers can't help, maybe you don't need schools anyway.
That was a stretch to get a Hobbit reference in.
The history of gun control https://youtu.be/NN0vkSO9n8Y
Government trolling those who pay their overpaid salaries
Instead of gun control we should use human wave tactics to defend our schools?
You have to be kidding me, but sadly I know you're not
Guys I think these actions by the school boards were in jest.
It's official. Republicans blew their brains out long ago and are now just NRA lobbying zombies!Or Zomponies, according to Stephen. ;2
OMG, is everyone an idiot in the US
What the actual fuck America…?
Determine variation reach driver outstanding anniversary endorse star depression define.
So many "solutions" to gun violence and none of the "solutions" involve implementing gun control. America is a seriously messed up place that "tackles problems" in the same way pre-schoolers "tackle problems"….in the dumbest, least effective way possible.
Way to go, America. You keep right on driving over that cliff while the rest of the world gets on with life.
We have similar bats in schools in the .UK but we use them for playing Rounders.
Has anyone suggested robots that shoot lasers? Just wanted to throw it out there.
That was a mandrill
This monologue should become a meme.
Never bring a bat to a gunfight.
bat beats rock out the park
arm people with rubber bands – those shits will scare anybody away
The person who thought up issuing mini-baseball bats likely earns three times what the teacher expected to use it as a self defense weapon does….
On a lighter note, in 1918 British army officers charged machine guns with similar sized bats, results were decidedly unimpressive
It seems that our gun problem will be solved by anything but banning guns
Oyster that's the answer . Times like this I feel like the riddlers long lost daughter,
I just love this guy…!!
This is more likely to see students hurt than protected…
This is stupid everyone knows chainsaws are the only way to stay safe in school
It's an egg.
They may have gotten the idea from John Battman.
"To defend against potential shooters, we've decided to give you a bat for protection.""Okay, sounds silly, but at least it's someth-" sees the bat "…Why is it so-""This is all that was in the budget."
"All of these ideas *suck it*…" was that an Office reference??
That’s not a baboon – just saying – if you’re going to use the word that many times you should prolly get the pic right? Love the show!
This may be funny, but the reality of how fucking dumb and weak this nation is certainly is NOT funny. It's about the guns. PERIOD! Too damn many of them! This is a nation SWIMMING in guns. I'm EMBARRASSED at how stupid we are! SERIOUSLY? Bats??? Rocks??? Rome fell from within. So will we…so long as we are THIS fucking stupid!!
You can hit shooters with those bats if they carry ancient salt shotguns.
Let's petition to arm the teachers with Nerf guns.They're guns but not really, so win-win.It's Nerf or nothing.
It should not be sold, should not be boughtShould not be used, should not be shot.It stalks behind clubs, and inside schoolsSupported by selfish fools.It comes first and follows after,Ends life, kills laughter.
The answer is an AR-15……15……15…….
Just give us some God damn gun control.
EGGS! The answer is eggs!
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot. I believe that's what most kids say. Let that serve as a reminder. There are kids who will never play this game again. Kids whose lives were ended because of these shootings. I don't know that we can ever completely stop shootings, but arming our teachers isn't the answer. We can't combat violence with more violence. That's worse than doing nothing. I don't have the answer, but I think gun control is the best place to start.
Why not enhance gun laws and make it harder to buy guns
Marbles. Can you imagine a floor full of marbles and the assaulter slipping all over on them.
Omg, that was a The Hobbit reference. Why am I surprised? XD
Knowledge, Is Power! Voting Info-2018 For My Constant Muse Dr Theodore Adams Prof of Sociology♥ https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2018/2/12/1739176/-Knowledge-Is-Power-Power-To-The-People
I love the Hobbit reference! Well done sir!
Anyone know the answer to that riddle at the end?
Lol wow…one of the best segments I can remember…some real "let's get high and take topics to the point of extreme, extreme absurdity" comedy right there…
1:10 this idea is
Two students approach the front door to their school.Student A: Uh…who are you?Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Threshold of Doom must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.Student B: Uh…okay? Bridgekeeper: What…is your name?Student B: John.Bridgekeeper: What..is your quest?Student B: Dude, really? You're going to make us late to class. I have a test in first period to take, too.Bridgekeeper: What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?Student: B What do you mean? An African or European swallow?Bridgekeeper: Huh? I… I don't know that.The bridgekeeper implodes.Student A: How do know so much about swallows?Student B: Well, you have to know these things when you're in AP Physics, you know.
America, even if one day you'll get rid of that idiot president and all his inhuman followers – the world will not forget what you have done to your own citizen, other countries and the whole world. You have forever stained yourself with grief, anger and injustice and nobody will come to aid you. You wanted to be the first and best at everything, now you pretty much hit rock bottom. Congratulations.
And as always, Stephen showing his love for Tolkien revisiting one of the famous riddles of the contest between Bilbo and Gollum!!!kudos from a Tolkien fan!!!
Thank you for Sharing
Put a video game console at every entrance, its like home away from home!
I think it's better than leaving them to be sitting ducks. 3 or 4 people who step up with a 16 inch wooden or metal rod and went to town on an active shooter and saved even 1 life would be hailed as heroes.
That’s my school district lmao😂 it sucks.
You know something is retarded when the leftists laugh at it.
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