Asks the guy who f*cks bat | Harley Quinn (S1E1)


Yeah, there it is.
So, as I was saying– -[guns cocking]
-You made a big mistake
coming alone. [laughing]
She’s not exactly alone. She brought a plus one!
[laughing] It’s me, Joker! Apologies,
but your friend, Rupert, just couldn’t face
coming out here. [vomits] [laughing] I’m so sad.
Where’s my body? Puddin’? What the fuck
are ya doing? You’re not supposed to
take his face off yet.
I had this covered. [stammering]
Yes, but I thought up
that great “plus one” line. And then I’m not going to
not puppeteer his face. -[babbling]
-[bankers gagging] All right, fine. Do your thing. So, listen up motherfuckers! Ya better
jump in the harbor right now, -or I’m gonna kill–
-[Joker laughing] [all screaming] God, really?
You just did it again. [laughing] That’s because
I forgot I had the acid bomb. But we agreed I’m the muscle!
I do the hitting! [guns firing] You know,
you’re great, you’re great. You do your thing,
I do my thing. [man screaming] You’re the appetizer.
I’m the entree. [man screaming] I can’t spend my whole life
just bashin’ goons. When Gothamites
hear the name “Harley Quinn,” I want ’em to piss ’emselves! I want a taste of that. You want a taste of… piss? No, you know what I meant.
God, listen, puddin’, can’t you just see me
in the Legion of Doom? That is just… [laughs]
You don’t want that. Besides, no, the Legion of Doom
doesn’t give memberships
to sidekicks. -You have to be–
-Partners. [under breath] Oh, fuck me. I wanna be
your partner in crime.
For reals. -Can we talk about this later?
-If not now, when? I don’t know, tomorrow?
I’ve kinda got
my hands full right now. [air whooshing] Joke’s on you, Joker. Jesus, this guy. You’ll never
take us alive, Bats! Love that
fighting spirit, Harley. But in this fight,
I’m afraid I have to take a dive. Uh, dontcha mean “we”? You know
I’d love to take you, puddin’, but I’d never deny you
the pleasure of buying me
time to escape. [grunting] Hey, but what if
I get sent to Arkham? Then you won’t spend
even a single night! I’ll break you out, my love.
I swear. Or actually, uh,
I have something tonight, but I’ll definitely
get you out before breakfast. Love ya! [“La Cucaracha” horn playing] [grunts] Ow. Oh, ain’t he cute
when he’s escapin’? -No.
-[gasps] [Gordon]
You’re a cancer, Quinn. Spreading from
Gotham’s lymph nodes
into its spleen. And God help us
if you get to Gotham’s bladder! But I’m the chemo. How long’s he gonna
keep doin’ this? You’re a festering boil, Quinn.
A bedsore. A tapeworm that sets up shop
in Gotham’s lower– -Jim.
-All right. Where’s the Joker? I’ll never give up my puddin’! Why are you protecting
a psychotic clown who
treats you like garbage? Asks the guy who fucks bats. He doesn’t do that! -Jim.
-Sorry. I’m not tellin’ ya shit! What me and Mistah J have
is real love. In fact, not too long ago,
we were on a rooftop
just like this. That’s when Mistah J proposed. Till death do us part. Ooh! Told ya! After we get married,
we’ll take a cruise
to Barbados, or maybe a resort
that’s all-inclusive. They say they’re all-inclusive,
but that’s bullshit! They charge you for
the towels! Soap! -Jim.
-Top shelf liquor! -Jim!
-Right, right. Give up the Joker, Quinn, or you’re going to Arkham
for life. [laughing sarcastically] [Gordon laughing along] [laughing hysterically]
Why are we laughing? ‘Cause you said “for life”! -And, as sure as I am
that he fucks bats…
-Okay. …I know my man’ll
break me out of Arkham
before I spend a single night. [gate clanking and shutting] [all speaking indistinctly] Oh! Mistah J? -Hmm?
-Oh, sorry, my bad. I mean,
ya looked a little like him. I don’t know
why you bother comin’ here. He’s never showing up. -[choking]
-[thuds] -Fuck off!
-[Poison Ivy] Yeah, fuck off! But for the record,
he does have a point. Just give me 15 more minutes.
Joker’s probably
still fightin’ Batman. I don’t know, hon. It’s, you know,
most superhero fights,
they’re not like, eh… Calendar Man,
how long has she been in here? Oh, hey, Ivy! 183 days! Oh, sure. You remember
the incarceration date
of Porn Clown over here

58 thoughts on “Asks the guy who f*cks bat | Harley Quinn (S1E1)

  1. "As sure as I am that he fucks bats, I know my man will break me out of Arkham before I spend a single night."

    Well… she really WAS exactly as sure on both of those counts.

  2. This isnt even close to funny and its just disrespectful to the characters…its like some adult swim type shit tier fan project…like you could switch out the characters with ANYBODY and itd lose nothing. The characters arent even themselves…and her fucking voice…tf is that

  3. What the heck is this animation? Bad voicing for Joker, Gordon looks like a Hobo, violence that would make the movie rating system puke .. pure crap.

  4. Tbh, i thought this would be a little kids cartoon where they go to high school or some crap, then when i Actrally watched it, ooooooh….boy was i dead wrong

  5. It's a shame most people can't watch because of the DCuniverse paywall, but I got you. All the episodes are free at soap2day. This show is extremely funny and smart. Literally the only bad thing I can say about it is its annoying that all the fight scenes use the same music. But that's literally the only negative I can give on this show.

  6. This show is exactly what you’d get if you gave a 15 year old, whose entire knowledge of the Batman franchise was Suicide Squad and CollegeHumor sketches, creative control.

    None of these characters act anything like how they actually are in the comics: they’re merely shells for in vogue Rick & Morty-esque “banter” and expletives.

  7. OK: not gonna lie but I actually really like this. Might be one to add to the list of "things I need to watch but probably won't ever get around to because I can't be bothered"…

  8. Can we just acknowledge that Jim actually does have a point.
    The all inclusive IS bullshit. They charge you for the soap, towels, top shelf liquor!

  9. Hate their voices holy crap. Over the top cursing to be edgy but it's just cringy bad writing. He fucks bats?? Haha omfg soooooo funny right??? Fuck this show.

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