Delicious Vegan Gluten-free Chili! (one-pot meal) Stump Kitchen 47


[Claire singing] Beans, beans the magical
fruit! The more you eat, the more you toot! The more you toot, the better you feel. So
beans, beans with every meal! [theme music]
STUMP KITCHEN, STUMP KITCHEN GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN EATS
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS! [Alexis] Welcome to Stump Kitchen! This is
Claire! [Claire] Nice to meet you. I finished school
today! [Alexis] Claire finished f#%king school today!
[Claire] Forever! [Alexis] Forever!
[Claire] What are we making? [Alexis laughs]
[Claire] I know the answer cause I suggested it.
[Alexis] To celebrate you being done school, we’re gonna make some chili!
[Claire] Yes this is very fitting. I don’t think I told you this, but this was a meal
my mom made for me often. Shout out mom! [Alexis] Let’s f#%kin’ make this chili! Let’s
get out our mother pot! [metal clangs]
[Claire] I told you. [Alexis] That was really loud!
We don’t have a recipe. Claire’s contribution were these beans, but we’re gonna try some
other cool things like a sweet potato, which is like a stump lookalike. And look at this
mother beefsteak tomato! [Claire] Can I hold it?
[Alexis] Yeah! [Claire] It’s heavy!
[Alexis belches] Pardon me! [Claire] Wow, the gas is already beginning.We
haven’t even eaten the beans. First fart joke! [Alexis] Ding! [bell dings] Fart joke number
one! We’ll get some of this in the pot. Stump!
[Claire] Oh it’s not very melted yet. [Alexis] It’s not on!
[Claire] Oh! [Alexis] I think what we’ll do is cut up some
onion and garlic first. I like how you’re protecting your fingers.
[Claire] Look at my eyes. [Alexis] It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to cry!
[Claire cries] [Alexis sings] “Let it go, let it go!”
[Claire] Everyone needs a good cry every once in awhile.
[Alexis] Yeah and onions help you cry, they just get [email protected]#t — oh!
Do you want a little hug? [Claire] Yeah it’s been a long day.
[Alexis] Yeah! Let’s just have a little friendship hug.
[Claire] Oh I need a kleenex. [Alexis] Okay I can get you a kleenex.
[both humming] [Alexis] Lazy chops! Lazy chops!
It smells so f#%kin’ good!! Oh yes! I just want to remind everyone about
your snot rag over here. Onions are in and we’ve had a cry, it’s a
good f#%kin’ day. [Claire] Yeah.
[Alexis] So I think next we chop up our hard vegetables.
[Claire] Um, how do you cut a sweet potato? [Alexis] What I would do is cut it in half.
[Claire] Oh that’s softer than I thought it would be.
[Alexis] Yeah! And then put it on its flattest edge and cut it lengthwise.
[Claire makes straining sounds] Yeah. [Alexis] Very good. [singing] Sweet potato,
sweet potato. That looks perfect!
[Claire] Thanks. [Alexis] Oh look how pretty it looks!
[Claire] Yeah. [Alexis] Look!
[Claire] That’s what I do, I take it out. [Alexis] That’s fantastic! I just hold it
down and kind of slice off the edges, like that — Look at the baby alien growing in
there! [Claire] That’s a baby pepper?
[Alexis] Yeah. [Claire] They grow out of inside each other?
[Alexis] Well at least in this one. [Claire] Well I guess we do too. Whoa.
[Alexis] Lazy chop it up, laz– oh f#%k! This smells really f#%kin’ good.
[Claire] Your name Alexis… [Alexis] Your —
[Claire] Your. Possessive is open hand. There’s no gender pronouns in ASL.
[Alexis] There’s no gender pronouns! [Claire] Oh! I thought you were elbowing me!
Stump! [Alexis] If you want to add flavour to your
dishes, use some f#%kin’ veggie broth! Mmm! [Claire] Ooh!!
[Alexis] Yeahhh! So what the f#%k is next. Ummm uhhhh. Hmm. Yeah.
[Claire] Is it time? [Alexis] Oh god!
[Claire humming “O Fortuna] [“O Fortuna” plays dramatically]
[Alexis] You’re so big! [Claire] Look how meaty that is!
[Alexis] It’s called a beefsteak Alberta-grown tomato.
[Claire laughs] [both sniff]
[Alexis] Did you hear your nose? Did you hear that? It was like [indecipherable sound]
[Claire sniffs loudly] [Alexis] I have a nasal rinse if you wanna
do one. [Claire] This is a nice end for our friend.
[Alexis] Yeah. [Claire] Can you hear that?
[tomato squishes] [Alexis] Smash!
[Claire] Stump! [Alexis] Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee boom!
Mushrooms! Yeah! F#%kin’ great!
[Claire] You’re very encouraging Alexis. [Alexis] Thank you! There’s no f#%kin’ “right
way” to cook, it’s whatever feels good to your body and hands!
[Claire sings] Beans, beans the magical fruit! [Alexis joins] The more you eat the more you
[bell dings] [Alexis] Black beans
[Claire] Turtle beans… [Alexis] Black turtle beans! And red kidney
beans. And chickpeas. [Claire] So good.
[Claire strains] Um… yeah! What the f#%k?
[Alexis laughs] [Claire] I think? Wow. I’m learning so much
on Stump Kitchen. [Alexis] Balance this s#%t with your stump
and your stomach. Kidney beans in! Boom. It’s f#%kin’ gorgeous!
[Claire] Paprika. [Alexis] This is smoked paprika so…
[Claire] What’s the diff? [Alexis] Smell it, you’ll know.
[Claire] I do know! Cayenne.
[Alexis] Cayenne yeah. [Claire] Cumin.
[Alexis] Oh and we have these spicy things! [Claire] These are like what they have on
the table at pizza restaurants. When I was a kid me and my sister would just put one
single one on our tongue. AHHH!!
[Alexis] Oh! Ahhh! [Claire] Don’t do it.
[Alexis] Let’s just remember this. [both] Cayenne.
[Claire] Stump!! Was that a lot? It’s not that much!
[Alexis] Salt and pepper yeah yeah yeah. You keep me open like a 7-11yo shotgun bang what’s
up with that thang I wanna know how does it hang?
K, we’re gonna let that simmer while we prepare some toppings. Green onions.
[Claire] Okay. [Alexis] And cilantro.
[Claire] Yeah! [Alexis] Some people don’t like the stems,
I don’t give a s#%t, but you can cut the stems off.
[Claire] I don’t give a s#%t! [Alexis] I just roll that s#%t into a little
ball and then… [Claire] I think I saw this on the guacamole
episode! [Alexis] That’s right you did!
[Alexis laughs] [Claire] Cilantro showers!
[music playing “I make it rain!”] [Claire] Maybe one day you’ll meet Hannah
Hart. Hey Hannah, if you’re watching. [Alexis] Collab! My Drunk Stump Kitchen, yo!
[Claire gasps] Could you imagine? [Alexis] OK are we ready for this?
[Claire] I think! I’m so excited! [Alexis] Me too! Just grip the bowl with your
stump like this. [Alexis sings a jaunty ditty] Doo doo doo
doo f#%kin’ pretty! [Claire] Wanna see? Wow.
[Alexis] Wow. [Claire] The anticipation is killing me.
[Alexis] K, wait. [Claire] Oh come on.
[Alexis laughs] We don’t have vegan sour cream, but I think that this vegan mayo will do a
similar milky trick. Let’s give it a shot. [Claire] Sure! It’s too hot! It’s too hot
for me. [Alexis] It’s already in my mouth!
[Claire] Is it good? [Alexis] Claire! We made a f#%kin’ miracle!
[Claire] Oh god. It’s really good! [Alexis] So f#%kin’ good. That sweet potato?
When do you think the farts are gonna start? [Claire] Now.
[Alexis] Now? Is there something you have to tell me Claire?
[fart] [bell dings x 3]
[Alexis] Did you hear that? [fart in slow motion]
[Alexis] Did you hear Claire fart? This was the f#%kin’ best!
[Claire] Thanks! [Alexis] Thank you for being here on Stump
Kitchen. And thanks for watching! Subscribe to the channel, give it a little thumbs up,
send me pictures of you making this beautiful chili.
[Claire] It’s really hot in here. [Alexis] Yeah let’s open a window. [theme music]
STUMP KITCHEN, STUMP KITCHEN GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN EATS
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS! [Claire singing] Beans, beans the magical
fruit! The more you eat, the more you toot! The more you toot, the better you feel. So
beans, beans with every meal!

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