F**k These Animals – Paraglider-Charging Kangaroo & Raging Safari Elephant | The Daily Show

Let’s talk about animals. They can sit up,
they can roll over, and some of them
can even sing like Beyoncé. But when animals pop up
in the news, oftentimes, it’s because
they’ve done something bad. So to help us cover
the biggest animal stories, we turn to our very own
Daily Show animal expert, my Australian cousin,
with a segment he calls, “(Bleep) These Animals.” -(cheers and applause)
-♪ ♪ Oh, hi, mates. Welcome to the show. I’m Australian Trevor, and you can tell that I’m
Australian ’cause I have a hat. (laughter) As a wildlife expert,
I love animals, but the truth is, some of them
are downright dicks. Animals like this kangaroo.
Look at this creature. Half rabbit, half fanny pack
and 100% wanker. MAN: And a paraglider gets
a rude awakening– get it– while landing in Australia.
Take a look. What’s up, Skip? Hey. (bleep) (bleep) (groans) Go away! MAN:
“Go away.” A GoPro cam catching the moment the angry
kangaroo charges at the man. Thankfully,
it hopped away seconds later, leaving the man
with barely a scratch. Jumping jaguars at a jamboree! This bloke was just
peacefully paragliding, and then, this hopping hooligan
comes at him like he’s Liam Neeson,
and this guy took his kid! “This kangaroo has
a particular set of skills.” Being a dick! That’s probably why this kangaroo got fired
from the job at the airport. He kept fighting the planes
every time they tried to land. And if it’s not asshole
kangaroos punching paragliders, it’s criminal bears
grabbing your garbage. WOMAN: A bear’s attempt
at dumpster-diving ended in furry frustration. It walked up to a Colorado
marijuana dispensary looking for some munchies. The bear broke through a fence,
and started sniffing around and tried
to get into the dumpster, but the dumpster was
a bear-resistant container. The bear decided, right there, to roll it down the street
before eventually giving up. -(applause and cheering)
-What?! Whopping wallabies
at a Wal-Mart. This bear stealing a dumpster
from a marijuana dispensary– that’s not only criminal,
it’s bloody dumb. Anyone with half a brain knows that pot smokers
never leave food behind. There’s no food in there, mate! This would be like searching for
porn mags at Mike Pence’s house. -(audience groaning)
-Yeah, he doesn’t read porn. He gets off to the
L.L. Bean winter catalog! -(laughter)
-“Ah! -Look at that insulation!”
-(applause and cheering) But at least
that bear had the decency to do this crazy shit at night. Animals in Africa
have the unneutered balls to terrorize you
during the bloody day. What would you do if an angry elephant charged
your jeep during a safari? MAN 2:
This was the scene when a raging elephant charged
a safari tour jeep. The stunning video was taken
by a tourist sitting at the back
of the safari’s jeep. The driver desperately tried
to reverse away from the charging animal,
as you can obviously see here. Jumping Jeffrey Epstein
on a pogo stick! That crazy elephant needs
to calm down! Why was he chasing them? All these nice people wanted
to do was barge into his home and snap photos of him
while he’s taking a bath. What’s the big deal? If anyone wants to watch me
shower, they’re welcome. That’s why I set up a webcam! And also, what’s with the bloke who’s livestreaming
the whole thing? Instead of… instead of trying
to get followers, mate, you should be calling your mom
“Goodbye.” Yeah. Busy out there. You got to pay attention
to the elephants, or you’ll end up with a tusk
so far up your bum, it becomes an extra tooth, mate! But let me tell you, these safari-goers got off
with just a scare. In Yellowstone National Park,
there was a bison that got a lot closer, and,
luckily, no one was badly hurt. A harrowing experience
of a nine-year-old Florida girl who’s recovering tonight
after being attacked by a bison
at Yellowstone National Park. MAN 2:
What started as a family’s awe-inspiring encounter
turned to horror. -(screaming)
-A crowd of curious tourists getting a close look
at a massive bull bison. Then suddenly, it charges, plowing
into a nine-year-old girl, launching her several feet
into air. The girl,
rushed to a nearby clinic. Rangers say the child is lucky
she was not seriously injured. Didgeri dingoes. That bison is a downright prick! How you gonna go flip
a poor little girl, you bison?! You should be going after her
coward parents! Look at them! They ran away faster than a cheetah late
on his child support! (applause and cheering) Yeah. I’ll tell you what, mate. After that, you’re never getting
any respect from your kid, yeah. Tomorrow night,
that mom will be like, “Katy, you left the dishes
in the sink.” And she’ll be like, “Ah, kind of
like how you left me for dead “while that bison used me
as a goddamn hacky sack. “So, (bleep) you, Mom,
and (bleep) these animals.” (applause and cheering) Well, that’s all the time
we got for today. Uh, excuse me. I’ve got to
investigate a dangerous rhino who’s running a Ponzi scheme.
Back to you, Trevor. -(cheers and applause)
-♪ ♪ Thanks, Australian Trevor.

100 thoughts on “F**k These Animals – Paraglider-Charging Kangaroo & Raging Safari Elephant | The Daily Show

  1. I swear when I close my eyes and hear Trevor's accent, I really think its an AustralianπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  2. What stupid f*"king people! Lets go stand 10ft away from a wild bison, and be surprised it's irritated by our presence. Elephant charges are common in game reserves. They are dangerous and can be deadly. That's why we STAY IN THE CAR!

  3. "Animals in Africa have the unneuteted balls to terrorize you during the day." πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

  4. Yes, animals can be dicks. I’m looking at the people who think all animals are pure and innocent and better than humans.

  5. A Close Encounter Safari in the wilds of Africa $20,000. Recording your own impending death by being trampled and squashed by a Charging Bull Elephant.. Priceless

  6. They got to close to the bison, Yellowstone’s animals are not domesticated. They give you guideline distance for damn good reasons. I not blaming the girl, I’m blaming the parents and the crowd that isolated and stressed that animal.

  7. 4:45 at that moment I thanked God for giving me the father who grabbed a Krait with his bare hand when it charged on me while I was about 11.

  8. LOVE these animals haha, they were just there, chillin in their territory while some human monsters came to them, kept taking pictures, taking their fur like that poor bison, taking their kids LIKE THAT POOR BISON TOO ! , taking everything they have, putting them in cages for white people to shoot them then take pictures, OF COURSE THEY'D BE ANGRY AGAINST HUMAN GARBAGE !
    Also this poor bear, why would it even come there if he had a nice forest to turn back to and to stay in ?? If you human trash didn't cut their forest and chased them out of their own home why would they even be interested in marijuana and trash ??
    Love this episode Trevor and F*ck those humans !

  9. I think it's not the accent but the hat that naturalized Trevor's cousin Australian. So all those immigrants at the southern border with Mehico, you know what to do now!

  10. goddamn alert! goddamn alert! Did we turn our CC on and grab a screen capture @4:43 to send to Mom & Grandma in ZA?
    They'll be so proud of their boi boi.

  11. Hey, Clark! Trevor!
    You guys just missed it!
    Australian Trevor just interviewed Superman!

    Gee, for a couple of news guys, you're always falling behind a lot.

  12. Why were they so close to the bison? I'm human and people make me uncomfortable, he deals with real ass WOLVES. No deal.

  13. Seriously though… when I visited Yellowstone, every park guide and map said to stay at least a hundred feet away from wild animals. Those people were being irresponsible and putting themselves in unnecessary danger by approaching that bison.

  14. Im not sure but isnt there rules about standing too close to big ass animals like that. Im judging the parents as bad parents.

  15. That bison one perfectly represents the ender dragon boss fight in minecraft cuz its really just being tossed around and getting high blood pressures

  16. I find this incredibly ironic after watching a documentary with my family that showed a bison mother protecting her calf from 3 wolves singlehandedly.

  17. I went to a park in Arizona with wild horses and they were fine walking back and forth to get water…… until people kept trying to get closer to take selfies, and some people were trying to pet them despite the male horse making a lot of noise and stomping on the groundπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

  18. Omfg!!! Did the 2 adults in the scene with the bison really just run away leaving the little girl standing there? Wtf is wrong with them?

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