Goodwin vs. Badwin – Hide and Seek (Ep #8)


[Goodwin:] Get freshly squeezed
with love lemonade here! Only 25 cents! [Badwin:] Get your stolen identity here! Start a new life today! [Goodwin:] What’s an identity? [Badwin:] Well, think of an identity
as an apple on your neighbor’s tree. And when he’s not looking,
you reach over the fence and just pluck it. [Goodwin:] I like apples. [Badwin:] Exactly. Except this apple allows you
to spend money that’s not yours. [Goodwin:] Stealing is naughty, Badwin! [Badwin:] And yet, with a little cough syrup
and Ambien, I sleep just fine. [Goodwin:] You’re… you’re hurting people. It’s a new low! [Badwin:] Well, I’m flattered, but I assure you that
I’m donating all the money to a good cause. [Goodwin:] Really? [Badwin:] Of course not, stupid face! (laughing)
[Goodwin:] You know, some day all your naughtiness is going
to catch up with you, Badwin. [Goodwin:] Where you going? [Badwin:] Uh, I’ve gotta go drop a deuce,
you know, just gonna check on deuce mountain. [Goodwin:] Well I’m gonna come with you.
I wanna make sure you behave. [Badwin:] Y’know, what do you say we play a game. Say, Hide and Seek. Hm? [Goodwin:] Hide and Seek? My favorite! I get to hide first! [Badwin:] Oh, but that oak tree looks
like it really needs a Goodwin-sized hug. Now, cover your eyes and
count to a zillion while I hide. [Goodwin:] One… Two… Seventeen… [Badwin:] Saddam!
What are you doin’ here, man? [Saddam:] This is my hole!
Get out, you infidel! [Badwin:] Oh come on, man.
I just need a place to hide. It’s not like we haven’t shared holes before. [Saddam:] Sh*t. Thanks a lot,
you camel scrotum. Wait, get away from me you freedom faggots- [Badwin:] Osama? [Osama:] This is my cave!
Go! Get out! [Badwin:] But- I’m playing Hide and Seek. [Osama:] Yes, well, I’m playing Hide and Seek
with the Americans. [Badwin:] You’re gonna get caught. They’re gonna get you
and dump your body in the ocean. [Osama:] I’ve already evaded
five SEAL teams, my friend. I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay. [Badwin:] Well… I’m going to go. [Osama:] So! Who’s up for
a really good conspiracy theo- [Goodwin:] A hundred million ninety-nine thousand! Fourteen… One zillion! Ready or not, here I come! [Officer:] Good afternoon. Know where I can find this… walkin’ manila envelope? [Goodwin:] If I knew that, I’d be winning! [Officer:] Well, if you see ‘im, tell him
I’d like to have a word with ‘im. [Badwin:] I just need to lay low and stay quiet. [Waldo:] Ooh! You found me! [Badwin:] Ssh! What’s wrong with you? [Waldo:] Now let’s switch clothes and you hide! [Badwin:] You’re going to get me busted! [Waldo:] Here, pat me down with butter. [Badwin:] Man, you’re really messed up. [Waldo:] Nobody plays with me anymore. [Badwin:] Oh, fine. Give me the butter. [Officer:] Hah. Finally caught the Silver Shadow. [Badwin:] *gasp!*
A villainous nickname! [Officer:] You’re goin’ to jail, Shadow. [Badwin:] For providing a valuable service? [Officer:] You steal people’s lives. [Badwin:] Sometimes people need a new life.
A second chance. People with mountains of debt. Toy collecting. Hmm.
Never figured you for a Brony. [Officer:] They’re so pure of heart. [Badwin:] Wouldn’t it be nice to have a second identity? One with a load of pension squirrelled away? Like this one.
[Officer:] Ooh. [Badwin:] I hear the new talking Pinky Pepper
is hitting shelves tomorrow. [Goodwin:] So. What ever
happened with the police officer? [Officer:] What’s up,
testicle-dippin’ turd gobblers? [Badwin:] Lookin’ good, Officer Pickles! [Officer:] Feelin’ good, Silver Shadow. [Badwin:] Ah! I just love my new nickname.

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