Today’s a root beer day! [theme music]
STUMP KITCHEN, STUMP KITCHEN GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN EATS
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS! Hey. Welcome to Stump Kitchen.
Last night I went out because my partner turned thirty and it was really f#%kin’ fun.
So I wanted to leave my hair and make up on for you as a gift.
I just look so good. This is all for you. Because it’s quarter after four in the afternoon,
we’re gonna make breakfast sandwiches! We’re gonna make breakfast sandwiches!
Really f#%kin’ awesome breakfast sandwiches! What do we do first?
That’s because of the root beer. Okay! Get some chick peas. Can opener!
Ooh! Open it up. Rinse your chick peas!
Bounce. Bounce. Okay and then we need about a cup.
This is a dangerous game. Whoops there goes one! That’s a little too much. It’s a really exact science. Oh f#%k now there’s
too little. Too much! F#%k no!
Let’s just say this is enough. Pick up the chick peas that you dropped on
the ground. You’re gonna need a s#%tty blender. If you
don’t have a blender you could mash the f#%k out of it and see what happens. [belches] That might work, it might not, I don’t know. So put a cup of chick peas in [sings] la! Then a third of a cup of vegan milk. [sings] Bee-dee-dee-la-la-la. Two tablespoons of nutritional yeast. Hold
it firmly with your stump. One! I like to do heaping tablespoons. Two! There’s a chick pea. And another rogue chick
pea. Two tablespoons of tapioca flour or cornstarch.
I use cornstarch cause that’s what I have. One! Two! A quarter teaspoon of tumeric. [grunts] F#%k off! [grunts] Yes. So I’d just like to remind you to wear something
that you don’t mind getting dirty. Ooh that smells like the earth! Half a teaspoon of– Half a teaspoon of garlic powder.
[singing] Yeah yeah yeah yeah! And I put in a little bit extra. Mmmm yum! Look at what’s happening. This is part of
the jam. And then you just need a little salt and pepper. Oh!! I opened the wrong side of the salt!
I opened the big side. I think we have enough salt now. F#%k I hope that’s going to be okay. This is why cooking when you’re really tired
is f#%kin’ fun. Let’s blend this now! [blender whirrs] [sings] Blend it up! Blend it up! Ohhhh! I sounded like a pony there. [horse neighing] Add a little bit more milk to make it a little
bit more liquidy. [blender whirrs]
[sings] Blend it up! Blend it up! Okay let’s try this! Mmm! Here’s the consistency you want. Runny
hummus. Oh. It’s perfect. So now, put a little oil in your pan. Start
heating it up. Okay! Like medium heat – like a six-ish, seven-ish. Let’s cut some veggies! Let’s cut up an onion.
Hold it down with your stump. Wah! I’m going to just use like a third of this
onion cause it’s f#%kin’ huge. Chop, chop, chop! [sings] This is how you chop like a f#%kin’
pro! Look, no tears! No f#%kin’ tears. None. Just
a sleepy face and some good hair. But it’s okay to cry! They don’t need to be the same size because
who the f#%k can do that anyway? Mushrooms! I’ll take away these little hard
stemmy things. [singing] Chop them with your knife and stump! What kind of knife do I have?
[singing] A sharp knife! Coarsely chop your mushrooms. Just drop some
on the ground as well… Put it in your pan for some delicious, delicious cooking.
Yeah! Always season! Salt and pepper. Pepper, pepper,
pepper. Open the RIGHT side of the salt. [singing] Little bit of salt, salt, salt,
salt, salt. Once they’re sizzling like that, then put
your eggs on before the onions and mushrooms are done so they can all cook at the same
time. Yum! YUM!! Ok then you just make like two little patties,
like f#%kin’ pancake batter. Just spread them out so that they’re about
like a quarter of an inch thin. Check this out. There’s a happy face! [laughs] Now we prep the bread! No! Um… yeah! We
prep the bread! Look a magic toaster appeared! Grab some gluten-free,
vegan bread, put it in the toaster. Blap! Blap! Slice a tomato. [sings] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get your butter ready! Get your mayo ready! [sings] We’re gonna put the eggs on you and
some mayo, and some tomato! And some butter, it’s gonna melt on you! And then we’re gonna
slap on the onions and mushrooms — OH!! Butter your toast! If you need a little extra
spice on your sandwich just take it from your shirt from earlier. Butter your bread! Get a little mayo.
[sings] With your stump! With your stump! [sings] Some tomato… I’m gonna cut this tomato so it like fits
on here, you know? It looks like a little pig!!
[sing-song] This little piggy went to market and this little piggy came home. This little
piggy something-something. And this little piggy something-something. Let’s go flip this [email protected]%t! So when the edges start to look a bit done,
we can sneak under and flip it! Yeah! Ok well our breakfast patties are [email protected]#kin’
done! Right onto the pig face! [sings] And some onions and mushrooms on there
too! Okay come up here, come up here! Like, seriously
the f#%kin’ best thing you can do right now – number one, smell it! YES!!
Number two, use some Kala Namak. This s#%t tastes like eggs. It’s like eating eggs out
of a jar. Just a tiny sprinkle, you don’t need too much. [sings] Mmmm!! Put the little hat on the sandwich. Let’s
cut this in half so you can see all the beautiful things inside it. [sings] Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! This is gonna make any mouth happy! Let’s
eat it now. [crunch] Mmm! Okay! So it’s like creamy, and a bit
salty, crispy, savoury, a little bit sweet from the mayo and tomato. We’re gonna have
another bite! I’ll see you next time on Stump Kitchen! Bye! [theme music]
STUMP KITCHEN, STUMP KITCHEN GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN EATS
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS! [sings]
I love you breakfast sandwich, you are my morning happiness!