How to make vegan Trump-free Egg Salad! Stump Kitchen 24


[music]
STUMP KITCHEN, STUMP KITCHEN GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN EATS
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS We’re gonna make some vegan, gluten-free egg
salad, which is pretty much the best thing ever in the whole world! So get some chick peas, yep that’s a thing
you’ll need. And we’re also gonna – whoa! Runaway onion. Purple onion. Just half of it. And we’re gonna need some lemon juice. Look at that focus – focus… okay! From a real lemon or a bottle whatever. Some sea salt. Yeah. And some – oh! An avocado! Hey there! Juggle, juggle, juggle, juggle- whoa, whoa,
whoa. Yeah, fun times. Um, pickles! This is great! So good especially if you don’t have dill
in your house. Pepper, black pepper. And finally some Kala Namak, which is Indian
black sea salt and it tastes like eggs and it’s the best f#%kin’ thing in the whole world
you don’t even know. Okay. Sharp knife, as per usual. Delightful. A mashy thing if you don’t want to use your
stump or if you don’t have one. Okay, number one, get your chick peas and
a can opener. Oh, I guess you need that too. Um, squish it down like that, grab it in your
elbow pit with your stump and open it up and – oh gross – when the top goes in I hate-
yuck-okay. Mmm just throw that out. Okay let’s rinse these chick peas. Get a pretty bowl, yes center it, center it,
there we go. After they’re rinsed, stick the chick peas
in the bowl. Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch. Punch them with your stump and your body and
give them a nice squish to get them nice and kind of pulverized I guess? I mean, like, you could use this tool but,
like, it’s just way more fun to use your body, so, yeah. Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish,
squish, squish, squish, squish. Yeah, thumbs up! Or thumb up – heh heh heh.. Okay get a cutting board thingy and your sharp
knife, of course, and your avocado. Let’s cut this thing in half. So cut it around lengthwise holding it down
with your stump. Excellent. And then give it a nice little turny-turn
to kind of take it apart. And we don’t really need that pit so let’s
get rid of that pit and throw it away mmhmm. Great! Use your stump and scoop the avocado out of
its shell into the bowl with the mashed up chick peas. Oh yeah. This feels so good you don’t even know! Yeah so good! And get your limbs back in there! Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish. Thumbs up again! Okay I’m gonna eat that. Mmhmm. Get your cutting board out! Let’s cut up an onion. Is that what’s next? Let’s see. Oh no a pickle! We’re gonna cut a pickle. And I’m gonna eat the middle one because pickles
are just the f#%kin’ best. So cut up your pickles lengthwise and then
into little tiny squares chop, chop, chop. Hold it down with your stump and chop them
up yeah, yeah, yeah, into tiny little cubes. I like to use two pickles, you can use however
many as you like. This is a great substitute if you don’t have
fresh dill in your house, um, pickles is a great, fast, you know, substitute. Chop it up into tiny little squares! Okay great! Now stick your little chopped up pickles into
your bowl with your chick peas and your avocado yum, yum, yum. Now get your onion, hold it down with your
stump, cut it in half. Um, probably like half a fist’s worth of onion
I’d say. Um, awesome. And carefully cut off the top bit. Slice. Great that focus is working so well, eh? [laughs] Slit it down the side and peel off that extra
skin on the outside that we don’t like or don’t need. Get rid of it. [singsong] And chop up your onion nice and
tiny, hold it down with your stump. Fast motion video is so much fun! Chop, chop, chop, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah! And it’s okay if the tears come, like there’s
no judging at all if you start crying while you’re chopping onions, that’s okay just get
a tissue and wipe your eyes. Okay, put your onions – ugh- into this non-focussed
bowl, come on focus! Focus! There we go! Oh yeah. Onions into the bowl. Scoop them off with your stump, there you
go. And then your lemon juice. Give it a shake! Pour in about a tablespoon splashy-splash. And then – oh, I totally forgot dijon mustard
– grab the dijon mustard! Squish in about a tablespoon or two depending
on how zesty you want it. F#%k there’s not much in here. Squish. Come on. Get out. Okay, I’m just gonna open this up. Open up your mustard, get it in there. Mmhmm, mmhmm, yeah. Wipe it off with your stump. Now I’m – okay mustard everywhere. There we go. Good. And some black pepper. Tap it out with your stump. And then a little bit of sea salt. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. And then go back in. [singsong] Yeah we’re goin’ back in, we’re
goin’ back in. Squish it up with your limbs, squish it up
with your body, with your stump, with your hands, with whatever you got! Um, you can use a spoon too, but like I said,
it’s way more fun with your body. Okay let’s give it a taste! Okay focus! Focus… focus… let’s look at this beautiful…
yeah, there we are! It’s nice and chunky and creamy and I just
wanna put it in my mouth. Mmhmm… oh yep, that’s good news, that is
such good news. Okay, a little bit of clean-up before the
last scene. Doodle-loo-doo-doo! Okay get – oh s#%t my toast is falling off
the plate. Get some toast. Put on some vegan butter. And then smear some of your beautiful egg
salad onto the toast just as much as you want, I like to cover it all up. Yum, yum, yum. Let’s get this plate really pretty, get this
knife out of the way, okay. And okay, this is where the Kala Namak is
going to be so great. Just put a little sprinkle on top and this
will give it an extra eggy flavour. I -it’s just f#%kin’ magical. I got it at a local spice shop. You can call your grocery store to see if
they have it. And you don’t need it, it’s just so great! Okay, here we go. [singsong] Into my mouth, into my mouth. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes, yes. Yes yes! [singsong] Happy happy dance, dance, happy
happy. K, like, it’s crispy, it’s tangy, it’s salty,
it’s eggy, it’s delicious, and it’s pretty much f#%kin’ gone. Yep! That was the best. Okay. Yeah. [music]
STUMP KITCHEN, STUMP KITCHEN, GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN EATS
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS

6 thoughts on “How to make vegan Trump-free Egg Salad! Stump Kitchen 24

  1. Yumm I waited until the election was over, so as not to be distracted from the great taste.
    I too missed the action, but this way also works very well.

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