Ice Hockey – How Hard Could It Be?


– Mate, guess what I got? – What? – Ice hockey tickets. – —- you. My balls still have nightmares about that —-. – When the colonial sport of cricket and the
American sport of punching-people-in-the-face conveniently met at a scrap in the Canadian
tundra in 1815, Ice Hockey was born. – Affectionately known as “If you watch this
stupid sport, you’re no longer my son” by my dad, Ice Hockey is a drawn out affair with little
excitement besides assault. Which is not a criminally chargeable offence
on the ice, for some reason. – So Rig’s gonna go into goals tonight… core
elements of a good goalie? – Agility, fearlessness, just be able to
throw your face in front of a puck, probably in really good shape. Really, really good shape. – So when you say really good shape, what
about… huskiness? – That’s… I don’t like that word. – He takes up a lot of the net. He has that
advantage. We didn’t bring a neck guard, so he could take a throat shot. – What?
– I mean he does have a jock on, but you know… He could take a shot in the nether region. – That’s not gonna happen today, right? No. – —-ing kill me now! Why have I done this? – Come on, tendie! Get in net, tendie! Everybody get pucks! – What is that —-, what is that? Like —-ing Lord of the Flies when they’re
banging the —- on the ice. What the hell is that? Sounds like they want blood! What is that, Gabe? Talk to me. Holy —-. Oh —-! —-. What the —-? Jesus. —-. —- me. —-! Aw —-! What the… —-ing —-! – Go, Rig! Got this! – —-! You know what? That wasn’t too —-ing bad… – Go, Rig. Go, Rig! Saved, mother—–! – I was worried he wouldn’t last. Yeah, I think goalie’s probably more tiring
than player. – The —- are you looking at? – Nice! Graceful. – I’m gonna start inscribing his tombstone. – Did I get you right in the testicles? – Oh my god. – Right in the testicles! To his credit, he stopped the puck.
He stopped the puck with his balls. – That is in no way to his credit, look at him. – Dude, you’re initiated. You’re initiated now! – This is what happens when you get arrogant,
and ahead of yourself. He’s not even moving anymore. – What? – Go to sleep, go to sleep. – How was that mate? – That… was some of the hardest —-ing —- I’ve
ever done in my life. – How hard can ice hockey be? – Too —-ing hard for the regular person. That was just —-ed. – God damn it. – That one was better. – What the —-?! Oh, my god… holy —-.

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