If Professional Football Were Honest – Honest Ads (NFL, Cheerleaders, Concussions)

(beeping) – Hi, I’m Roger, and I’m here to tell you about the National Pointsball League. It’s a company I made that
stages live boy games. It’s also a giant public slaughterhouse fueled by human lives. Pointsball is the world’s
favorite sport in just America. It’s played by people of
all ages and one gender. And when pointsball was invented
over a hundred years ago it was almost outlawed for
killing too many of its players. – I thought it was too dangerous
and I’m Teddy Roosevelt. (gun blasting) – But we overcame that death issue by changing pointsball so that it kills lots more players more slowly. Now they die of brain trauma and overworked hearts off camera. That revolutionary change let us build the National Pointsball League, the most powerful entertainment
brand in human history. We control most Sundays,
lots of other days, and almost every conversation
in an American workplace. All we ask in return is
a little of your money to buy tickets or shirts or whatever, and then we seize literally
billions of dollars of your tax money to build stadiums. Stadiums I could pay for
myself but I would rather not. – I would do something about
that system but I’m dead. – Ah, you sure are! Anyway, my pointsball league
is a business in a sense that all criminal
enterprises are businesses, and unlike most criminal enterprises where they have to be subtle about it, my league does it’s criming
on national television. Just because you’ll do
anything to see this. (ball smacking) (laughs) Yup. Because we provide that we
can make American colleges train our future players on their dime. We can run a breast cancer
charity that’s really a trick to sell hats to ladies. We can make one of our teams
name straight up hate speech. – Go (bleep)! – And you would not believe
how little we pay her or how cool we are with
fellas sexually harassing her. – Give me an H! Give me an E! Give me an L! Give me a P! – Anyway, I don’t wanna take
up too much more of your time, because I don’t need to. You already give me more money
than God via the government so you can watch adult
men break each other. Adult men who have moms and stuff. But don’t think about that too hard. Instead think about how
goddamn great it’s gonna be when my league’s franchise
that’s geographically nearest to you goes out there and wins specific key pointsball boy games in a fashion that I’ve
decided makes them champion, whatever that means, for America! (sighs) Hey! There was supposed to be a
military jet flyover right then. The flyover we made the military pay us extra tax dollars for. Is that still happening? Is that? (engine roaring) War. I’m Roger, by the way. – Man-made iron birds? Bully! (acoustic guitar music) – Thanks for watching. If you’d to subscribe to our channel hit the big C in the middle. Feel free to click the links to the right if you want to watch
another Cracked video, and don’t forget to hit
that notification bell at the bottom to be notified when we put out another great Cracked video! – And you can follow me
on Twitter @kaleethan. – And me @amyehustler. – And I’m Brian. (laughing)

68 thoughts on “If Professional Football Were Honest – Honest Ads (NFL, Cheerleaders, Concussions)

  1. He needs stop being so vulgar the cynicism is kind of funny but this funny old man is always interjecting offensive or crude comments there’s a time and a place for crude language like gta or adult comedy it just doesn’t belong on a seemingly clean thing that a family would watch together for fun like the cellphone commercial. Ok I’m sounding childish to rant like this but it seriously triggered me cause it’s just so out of place.

  2. Yet no one mentions it isn't played with your feet so the name 'football' doesn't make sense in the first place? Yet call actual football 'soccer'?

  3. Too be fair football in America is a religion and celebrated like Christmas, that's just an American thing what's the big deal

  4. Football is for deeply closeted gay men who can pat each other on the buttock and then shower together later in without people assuming they're gay.

    But I'm onto it.
    Stop touching each other's bums unless you're a couple. Non of my friends touch my bum.

  5. It was called a football but rarely used their feet. But the real football that uses feet is called soccer instead. How ironic. Suggestion…can u guys do telecommunication company next. How they promise the connection will be good but its not.

  6. Sports Fans—god makers. The God Makers are greater than their Gods. Sports fans are engaging in nothing else but narcissism.

  7. Really? Bullfighting in Spain and Mexico. Martial Arts competitions (worldwide). That's off the top of my head.

  8. This spoke nothing of the years of indentured slavery endured by mostly poor youths in universities, universities who get very wealthy off their playing said game while being banned from being paid or receiving endorsement deals while often receiving life altering injuries. Oh but they're 'students' who get 'degrees' even though many of them are functionally illiterate when they leave with that degree.

  9. As a kid I saw the scam in this sport. I was never was into watching men fall down and get up a lot. And hated when they preempted my favorite TV shows too at the time.

  10. It's pointless bullshit watching a ball go back and forth, while dumbass sheeple get drunk and lower their inhibitions and buy overpriced bullshit. Ever see a moron loose their mind over some sport jersey? I kind of enjoy watching these losers loose all their money on shit that they will eventually outgrow because of the food industry's advertising tactics. Hang it on their walls right next to an overpriced cross.
    That being said I will fuck for Jesus on all Holidays, birthdays, pretty much everyday with whomever I like. Sex is so much better than stupid ass sport's games.

  11. I'm surprised they didn't go into the topic of football being used by the government to subliminally make people to want to join the military

  12. I remember espn (or some other network) trying to do an original series about the nfl. It was obviously a fictional series, but it delved fairly deeply into a lot of off the field trauma many football players suffer as a result of playing. No proof, but I think the nfl had that series cancelled. The nfl is a "sports league" that has spent decades lying about the severity of concussions and how repeated head trauma has crippling effects on former players which manifest into rage, dementia, and suicidal tendencies long after their playing days are over.

  13. This whole country is a scam. Most countries are, actually. And it will keep on like this because people can't think for themselves.

  14. When you put the instrumental of a German marching song in the background of a video about american football. Confusion at it's finest. BTW the song is called ''Die Wacht am Rhein''

  15. So, is anyone who likes football as a sport to any degree now lumped into this regime of mindless strawmen you just created to feel morally superior? It's a nice story, but are you sure you aren't just angry at a sport that triggers you by simply existing? I agree the NFL is probably totally corrupt, but does that just sort of seep into the sport in general via osmosis or something? So, noone can watch or enjoy football at all without being lumped into the category of whatever vague, NFL/maybe-just-football-in-general accusations you just made? An awkward tone of Beta-male/moral superiority(personal inferiority) complex definitely seeped through my computer screen from this video. I'm gonna start charging these channels for the towels I have to use to wipe that garbage off my computer screen. Like, store that stuff up somewhere if you need to and drink it if it makes you feel better. You're making things awkward for people on the internet, and embarrassing yourself at the same time. kthnxbyeee 😀

  16. The NFL welcomes female players with open arms. There’s just a few reasons why they’ve never had one.
    1. Most women arn’t interested in playing football.
    2. Of those that are they simply can not compete physically with the men in the game. The male players are usually much larger, faster, and stronger, so if any women did play she’d get seriously fucked up.

    But if there was ever a female player that could actually compete they wouldn’t hesitate to sign her. After all, winning is the only thing on their mind

  17. Why in this one video did before the video I have to get an add about airheads and the NFL. I’m dead fight now 😆😆

  18. These videos need to be PSA's plastered on TV and paid for by our taxes. They actually tell us the truth VS lie to us for our money, that's true value!

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