The Daily Show – Minhaj’s Muslim Makeover


AS WE
ALL KNOW, YOU KNOW, WE’RE AMERICANS, WE KNOW AMERICA’S
LONG STRUGGLE WITH THE WHOLE “ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL”
THING THAT WE PUT THERE IN THAT DOCUMENT. SEEMS LAKE EVERY DECADE OR
SO WE AS A NATION NEED TO ASK OURSELVES, YOU KNOW, ALL
MEN, REALLY, ALL? BLACK PEOPLE, ASIANS,
EVERYBODY, REALLY, ALL? ESKIMOS, SERIOUSLY? WELL, LATELY MUSLIMS HAVE
BEEN SUBJECT TO THE EQUAL PEOPLE TEST, AND, WELL,
THERE IS GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. IT’S THE SUBJECT OF OUR NEW
ISLAMIC AFFAIRS SEGMENT, HALAL THINGS CONSIDERED. LET’S START WITH THE GOOD
NEWS.>>JUSTICES RULED IN FAVOR
OF A YOUNG MUSLIM WOMAN WHO WAS REJECTED FROM WORKING
AT THE CLOTHING STORE ABERCROMBIE & FITCH.>>SHE WORE A HIJAB TO THE
JOB INTERVIEW AND WAS DENIED A JOB BECAUSE THE HEAD SCARF
VIOLATED THE RETAILER’S LOOK POLICY.>>Jon: SHE WON! SHE WON, IT WAS
DISAPPOINTING SHE WAS PUT IN THAT POSITION BUT SHE WON. SHE STOOD UP AGAINST
DISCRIMINATION AND TRIUMPHED AND AS A REWARDS FOR HER
BRAVE STRUGGLE I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT SHE CAN NOW WORK AT
ABERCROMBIE & FITCH. (LAUGHTER) SHE HAS WON THE RIGHT TO SPEND
EIGHT HOURS A DAY IN A CLOUD OF COLOGNE SELLING PINK POLO
SHIRTS TO GUYS NAMED CHAD. SO WINNING THE RIGHT TO WORK
IN A PSEUDO SEXSHOP IS A PRIORIC VICTORY, BUT THAT IS NOT
THE BAD NEWS.>>CLAIMS OF DISCRIMINAL
FACIAL OF A MUSLIM WOMAN WHO CLAIMS SHE WAS DENIED AN
UNUNOPEN CAN OF SODA AT 30,000 FEET. SHE WAS BASICALLY TRYING TO SAY
TAHTI WHAT USE A CAN OF SODA AS A WEAPON.>>Jon: OKAY, SOUNDS BAD. BUT LOOK, YOU TAKE THAT SODA,
YOU ADD ALKA-SELTZER AND A SEAGULL AND YOU’VE GOT
YOURSELF A BOMB ON AN AIRPLANE. I MEAN THERE’S– THERE’S A
REASON THAT THEY DON’T LET YOU BRING SEAGULLS ON
AIRPLANES. (LAUGHTER)>>Jon: THAT’S– WEIRD, WHEN THE
SEAGULL BLOWS UP AS ITS APPENDS AGES STAY INTACT…
JUST THE FEATHERS… NOW YOU CAN AGREE OR
DISAGREE WITH THE AIRLINE POLICY OF DISTRIBUTION OF
UNOPENED CANS BUT ARE WE REALLY SURE THIS IS
DISCRIMINATION.>>SHE ASKED THE MAN NEXT TO ME
WHAT HE WOULD LIKE TO DRINK, AND HE REQUESTED A CAN OF
BEER. AND SHE, I NOTICED THAT SHE
PLACED IT IN FRONT OF HIM AND IT WAS A CLOSED BEVERAGE
CAN.>>Jon: OKAY, OKAY, SEEMS
LIKE A DOUBLE STANDARD. BUT YOU THINK ABOUT T WHEN
HAS A WHITE GUY POUNDING BEERS ON AN AIRPLANE EVER
LEAD TO VIOLENCE. IT’S JUST– I’M BEING TOLD
ALMOST EVERY TIME — ALMOST EVERY TIME. WELL, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A
HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE. BUT AS WITH ANY SITUATION
INVOLVING A MAJOR AIRLINE, IT COULD ALWAYS GET WORSE.>>I ASKED THE PASSENGERS
AROUND ME, I SAID, DOES ANYONE WITNESS WHAT SHE JUST
SAID TO ME. I SAID HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT
I WOULD USE IT AS A WEAPON. AND THEN A MAN SITTING, YOU
KNOW, ACROSS FROM ME SAID YOU MUSLIM, YOU NEED TO SHUT
THE F UP. [AUDIENCE GROANS]>>Jon: THAT IS– I’M SCOCKED AT
WHAT GOES ON IN COACH. BOY. AM I RIGHT? I MEAN IT’S– CAN’T YOU JUST
SAY, CAN’T YOU JUST SAY TO THE PERSON, COME ON, CALM
DOWN, THE SUNDAYS WILL BE OUT ANY MINUTE, ALONG WITH
THE LIVE MUSIC. FRANK SINATRA! YOU KNOW, IN COACH HE’S STILL
DEAD, BUT IN FIRST, FLY ME TO THE MOON. WELL, IF THERE WAS ANY
AMBIGUITY OF WHETHER OR NOT THIS INCIDENT HAD A
DISCRIMINATION COMPONENT, OLD F-BOMB JOHNSON TOOK CARE OF
THAT. AT LEAST NOW THE FLIGHT
ATTENDANT WILL SHUT THAT DOWN.>>THERE WAS NO BYSTANDER
INVENTION. AND THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM EITHER.>>Jon: OH. I FEEL BADLY FOR THIS WOMAN. FOR MORE WE’RE JOINED BY
SENIOR RELIGIOUS CORRESPONDENT HASAN MINHAJ. HASAN, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. THIS IS A SHOCKING STORY, THAT
TAHARA AHMED, WAS ON A FLIGHT. SHE’S AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, AN
INTERFAITH CONDUCTOR AT THE NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY. HOW DOES SHE NOT HAVE THE
RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO ENJOY ONE OF OUR 12 OUNCES OF
DELICIOUS SUGAR WATER.>>JON, ACTUALLY, THE
AIRLINE DID THE RIGHT THING. YOU CAN’T RISK PASSENGER
SAFETY JUST TO GIVE IN TO ONE WOMAN’S CRAZY DEMANDS.>>Jon: SHE ASKED FOR A CAN
OF SODA.>>OKAY, JON, YOU MEN A
CARBONATED GRENADE? ALL RIGHT, YOU THROW THAT AT
SOMEONE, BAM, THEY ARE OUT LIKE A TROUT.>>Jon: YOU HAVE JUST THROWN
AWAY YOUR ONE WEAPON.>>YEAH, BUT THEN YOU ASK
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT FOR ANOTHER CAN OF SODA, 198
SODA CANS LATER, THE PLANE IS YOURS. I MEAN, EVEN LESS IF IT’S A
COMMUTER FLIGHT.>>Jon: HASAN I DIDN’T REALIZE
MUSLIMS WERE SODA CAN MACGYVERS.>>WE’RE CRAFTY, YES. ANYTHING ON A PLANE IS A
WEAPON TO A MUSLIM, ALL RIGHT. THE CORNER OF A DORITO CHIP
CAN SLICE THE NECK. YOU THINK THAT SEAT CUSHON
IS A FLOTATION DEVICE? YOU ARE WRONG, THAT IS A
SMOTHERING PILLOW. YOU SEE A SKYMALL, I SEE A
PAPER CUT CATANA.>>Jon: THIS WOMAN WASN’T
TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE PLANE. SHE WAS WEARING A SCARF,
THAT IS ALL.>>AROUND HER HEAD.>>Jon: YEAH.>>SCARF AROUND THE HEAD IS
WAY SCARIER THAN SCARF AROUND THE NECK. BIG DIFFERENCE, OKAY. ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE
USING JUST A LITTLE PROP HERE. THIS IS A STANDARD SCARF
RIGHT HERE. THIS IS GOOD, OKAY. THIS IS GOOD. NOT GOOD, OKAY. GOOD, NOT GOOD, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. FUN, SCARY.>>Jon: OKAY.>>THIS RIGHT HERE SAYS I’M
AUDREY HEPBURN, GALAVANTING AROUND THE PLAZA. THIS IS AS I’M HERE TO KILL
AUDREY HEPBURN WHILE SHE GALAVANTS AROUND THE PLAZA.>>Jon: I DON’T THINK THAT’S IT. BUT THIS S LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, THIS IS AMERICA, FROM EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE
LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA, WE LOVE PEOPLE OF FAITH. THAT’S WHAT WE LOVE.>>YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IF IT IS THE RIGHT ONE. NOW THERE IS A HIERARCHY OF
FAIFT IN THIS COUNTRY. UP TOP WE HAVE EVANGELICAL. THEN CATHOLIC, JEWY BUT NOT
TOO JEWY, MISCELLANEOUS NONMUSLIM, SCIENTOLOGY,
DEVIL WORSHIP, THEN RIGHT DOWN HERE IS MUSLIM.>>Jon: OH, SO ARE MUSLIMS
SUPPOSED TO HIDE THEIR FAITH? IS THAT THE IDEA?>>GREAT IDEA. THAT IS A GREAT IDEA. WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT
SEGMENT, MINHAJ’S MUSLIM MAKEOVER.>>Jon: THAT SAY REALLY
PRETTY GRAPHIC.>>YOU LIKE IT?>>Jon: YEAH.>>I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THE
BRANDING. ANYWAY STEP NUMBER ONE —
CHANGE YOUR NAME. NOW — THIS IS A SERIOUS THING. IF YOU ARE MOHAMMED, GO BY
MOE. SALOMON, SAL, FATIMA YOUR NAME
IS NOW CRAIG.>>Jon: CRAIG? THAT SEEMS HUMILIATING, HASAN.>>IT IS. CALL ME CODY, JON.>>Jon: ALL RIGHT.>>STEP TWO — IF YOU ARE A MAN
YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW MY LEAD HERE AND HIDE YOUR BEARD.>>Jon: YOU DON’T HAVE A
BEARD.>>ON THE OUTSIDE. MY BEARD IS ACTUALLY ON THE
INSIDE OF MY MOUTH. I’M CONSTANTLY JOKING, JON. NOW, IF YOU ARE A MUSLIM WOMAN
FLYING ON A PLANE, THINGS GET MORE COMPLICATED. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE GAME. FIRST THINGS FIRST, YOU HAVE
TO GET YOUR HIJAB. NOW THAT IS GOING EXPOSE YOUR HAIR, SO
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THAT, TOO. WE’RE GETTING THERE. NOW THE NEXT STEP IS GETTING
RID OF ALL THOSE CLOTHES. REMEMBER, COVERED IN FABRIC
MEANS COVERED IN SECRETS. SO WEAR SOMETHING A LITTLE
MORE AMERICA-LOVING. THAT IS THE TICKET. THAT’S THE TICKET. NOW THAT IS A MUSLIM THAT ET GOS
AN UNOPENED CAN OF SODA.

100 thoughts on “The Daily Show – Minhaj’s Muslim Makeover

  1. Can't this country portray Islam for it is. A military religion preaching oppression wherever in majority.
    There's no need to discriminate against Muslims in secular countries. They are peaceful.
    It's only when the population rises, the demand for Sharia increases.

  2. Congratulations to Comedy Central for highlighting this abuse and discrimination of muslim

  3. All American have been living peacefully with no discrimination but now situation is being changed. International satanic politics want what?

  4. Ho hell no, there's a lot left hasan! You haven't even said yet Muslim should carry with them a box of pork of their own, that's a must for the visa!!!

  5. This was fucking hilarious, but the funniest thing is that there are so many women now going by Craig. Love it lmfao

  6. Loved this and love Hassan. Its just sad that there is actually Muslims around the world, like in Chinas concentration camps being forced to change their names.

  7. This is like another planet for the level of humor presented in this sketch. Loved the acting of both the hosts.

  8. m not even gonna bother. My brain cant take anymore of these ppl, their hypocrisy and moronic ideas. Just cant.

  9. The sad part is that all the Mohammads I know call themselves โ€˜Moโ€™ and I canโ€™t help but feel it is because of the opinions portrayed here ๐Ÿ˜”

  10. This is all part of the muslim masterminda to take over America, beware America , u gotta suppress this Paedophile Nabi's followers or they r gonna take over ur country, 25 years from now if this is the condition ,then America is gonna b a muslim majority country!

  11. Whatever the man sitting next to her said to her at 3:14 just broke my heart. It's the most disrespectful and hatred statement.
    I'm from India and for a very long time I've wanted to go to the US. But I'm never going after seeing this. NEVER.

  12. Yooo This is the only reason why m scared of America.I wanted to explore America but seeing these kinda videos scares me ๐Ÿ˜“

  13. It is awesome to see how this programme is saying some very sensitive thing and making it funny. Idk with you guys, but as a southeast asian, religion is an important yet sensitive thing for us. Here in Indonesia, making a religion related joke can get you in trouble. I saw critique, sarcasm, and all the other 'good stuff' in a very funny manner through this programme. I hope we can be a lot more open to discuss about religion (although not as far as this programme) hahahaha

  14. Thanks a lot Hasan Minhaj! THANKS A LOT! You just insulted about 3.45 million Muslims who are living in the United States, about 1.1 percent of the total U.S. population. Why is the audience of even laughing?

  15. Hello Early people! Like if you're early. Like if you're here in 1 day ago. Are you here everyday?

  16. had I been on that plane and if I would've heard him say that to my sister, I would've told him to shut the fuck up, saltine bastard and if he would've wanted to go, then we would've brawled it out

  17. Cue Bill Maher: "Islamophobia is silly and ridiculous! But totally justified and everyone should be afraid of them." Lol

  18. Me: What's wrong with muslims?
    Random: Blah blah blah (insert string of unrelated terrorist attacks here) you dirty Moslems
    These people aren't even capable of conveying a simple argument or even identifying their own arguments' fallacies.

  19. I tell people my name is Bal for short.
    10 min later im called Ball.
    Im serious.
    I just roll w it.

  20. What is my name? Abdullah, proud of being a slave of God. I will NOT change to suit some picky white guys demands. Also, if I had been on that plane with her, I would have beat the ** out of that ****ing flight attendant and that guy who said shut up

  21. Welcome to America, if someone get jealous on you, that mean you are a terrorist, what the f*ck is this!!!

  22. I love how he attacks everything through humor, I read his book laughing in a hospital. Thank you M.H.

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