The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 118 – Full Episode – 29th February, 2020


Ms. Archana, many movies
based on historical events are coming now.
– Yes. You know how history
as a subject was. How was it?
It was very nice. You know how history
as a subject was. Yes, it was nice. Sleeping pills and History paper
used to work similarly. Our Dinesh used to cover
himself with a blanket and mug up the history book. ‘Babur attacked Indian
in 1519.’ ‘Babur attacked Indian
in 1519..’ He used to doze off
while studying. And his dad used to attack him.
‘Get up..’ ‘I thought you study
till 12 midnight.’ ‘But you have fallen asleep
at 9.30 p.m.’ Then he used to wake up.
‘Dad attacked me at 9.30 p.m.’ ‘Dad attacked me at 9.30 p.m..’ Next day, he used
to write in exam.. ‘I am not sure about Babur.
Dad came at 9.30 p.m.’ Many students think
that if they write more they will get more number.
– Yes. Like, our Pandey..
– Yes, Pandey.. He used to write songs. Once he was asked to write
about Akbar in 500 words. Yes.
– His first line was.. ‘Akbar was a Mughal Emperor.’
He knew only this much. He knew only this much. Even that was written
in the question. Write about Mughal
Emperor, Akbar. That too..
– He copied from there. ‘Akbar was a Mughal Emperor.’ After that, he started
writing the song. What?
– He wrote.. ‘Akbar was known
as Akbar the Great’ ‘and also as Akbar.’ By the way, he ran out of words.
– I see. He started adding
drum beats. When his teacher
read his paper.. – Okay. The drum beats he added..
– Yes. His teacher thrashed him
black and blue. After that.. He applied powder
on his back for one month. He played drums in a standing
position for one month. Earlier, the kings had a habit.. Their maids used to come
and say.. ‘Long live the king!’ ‘Your queen has given
birth to a baby boy.’ And the kings.. They used to present them
necklaces, right? They used to have many queens. They had no idea which queen
had given birth to his heir. So they used
to wear several necklaces. They used to take off necklaces
upon hearing the good news. Sometimes, their chief minister
used to tell them.. ‘Your Highness, confirm who has
given birth to your heir.’ And there was a competition
among the maids. Everyone used to try
to give the good news first. …give the good news first. The queen was throwing up.
She herself put finger inside her throat to throw up. ‘Your Highness..’ Sometimes, queens used to stop
them by pulling their hair. ‘Come here. Whom will you
give the good news?’ ‘I am not expecting.’ ‘I am suffering
from food poisoning.’ ‘You are going to give
the good news!’ ‘The king had been
fighting a battle’ ‘since the last two years.’ By the way, whenever the king
used to take his child in his arms.. He used to meet
his children on holidays. On holidays..
– He used to count. ‘There are five children.
But I gifted eight necklaces.’ By the way, you must
have seen in movies.. A maid used to guard
outside the queen’s chamber. She used to stand like this. As soon as she saw
the king coming she used to start screaming.. ‘Attention please!
The king is coming!’ That was her job.
– Yes. She used to alert the queen. God knows what
the queen was doing inside.. She used to alert her. Numerous maids
used to work there. Two of them were discharging
their duties outside. Two of them were discharging
their duties inside. And two of them were there
as their backup. Total six maids.
As per todays’ standard if their salary is
Rs. 10, 000 in a month six maids were hired
for Rs. 60,000 per month. It’s better to spend Rs. 300
for a lock rather than paying maids
Rs. 60,000 per month. In that time,
soldiers used to face hardships to go to washroom. Because forts used
to be very big then. Going from one side
to another side.. – Yes. It used to take
a couple of hours. If they come across 10 to 12
assembly members on the way they used to bow down
and greet them. If you bow down like this..
– Yes. It puts pressure
on your bladder. ‘Long live the king!’ Some soldiers used to act smart. If a soldier was discharging
his duty on the terrace of the fort,
it was impossible for him to go downstairs.
– Then? He used to act smart.
– What? The hole he used to use
to shoot arrows he used to relieve himself
through the same hole. Nowadays, it’s very easy
to make a painting. First, take a photo. After that, make a painting
seeing the photo. Earlier, one used
to work very hard to make a portrait.
– Yes. Because the king used to sit
in front of the artist. – Yes. You must have seen,
there was only one main pose. Suppose I am the king.
I used to sit like this. Because if a king was
asked to pose like this it was impossible for him
to sit for six hours. And sometimes, kings used
to suffer from gastric problem while posing like
this for hours. You will see..
In most of the photos the king is holding a sword
in one hand and a rose in another hand.
– Yes. Rose.. That rose was not
meant for posing. The king would sniff
on it as and when he could. You’ll see that
there’s a difference between ordinary people
and how a king speaks. It’s the same content. I’ll be like ‘Archana,
did you have your dinner?’ But the queens are different. They go like, ‘Fancy dinner?’ They use sophisticated words. Like two women are talking.
One asks, ‘Where’s your son?’ Other one replies,
‘He’s in the toilet.’ Ordinary banter. But queens are different Like the reigning queens.. ‘O’ Queen,
where’s your adorable son?’ Then the mother responds. ‘The magnanimous
ruler of the nation’ ‘is breaking wind inside
the private chamber.’ It’s the same thing. When the kings walked you must have seen the
amount of clothes they wore. A long sword, sweeping tunic, then a half-sleeved jacket. Then a stole around the arm and walk in this
posture all day. I have seen in films that
they walk around like this. The king even would get angry as to who started
this custom. Right? When he would get tired
walking all day like this he would tell his soldiers. ‘Close the
doors to my chamber’ ‘I wish to retire.’ As soon as he would see
that no one is around he would go undressing like.. Oh, God! There’s one such
department of historians. They dig out skeletons and
tell who did this belong to And how old is it? Yes.
– They dig out decades old skeletons
and tell about them. They have no idea what’s
going on with their wives. You’ll notice that. Even ‘Swayamvara’
used to take place those days. There were many kinds. A king would line up
other kings as suitors to get his daughter hitched. They had to shoot an arrow and the princess
would watch at ease. The king who failed
to hit the fish’s eye would shoot the same arrow into
the princess’s father’s eyes. ‘Highness..’ Many princesses were obnoxious. They would hold a
dual in the open. That would work as
a two way sword. The king would lose his face
and won’t get the girl too. The king who won in the dual and took the princess away used to get attacked by the king
at night who lost to him. – Yes. He couldn’t marry her now he would make sure the one
who marries can’t consummate. Kings love listening to
‘All hail the king’. As soon as the king entered all the courtsmen
would stand up. They would take the
cue from one man who said ‘All hail the king’. The rest would say ‘All hail.’
– Yes. ‘All hail the king’. One who was underpaid wouldn’t take so much interest. He would be like.. He’s like, ‘Why respect
a man who didn’t pay me?’ We have phones now but there none then. If the neighbouring
state has been attacked then one had to
write it to them. A horseman would carry it.. He would inform the king
as to things are not good. Or around a pigeon’s neck. They would tie the
letter around the neck. I read a story in which
a king hit the pigeon. The pigeon flew in,
it had a chit around its neck. It read
‘A king is about to attack you.’ The king slapped the pigeon. He’s like ‘I wrapped
up the war yesterday’. ‘They even took away
two queens of mine.’ ‘Why are you here now?’ The palace had a
royal entertainer. She is poised..
– Yes. She entertained the king. The queens were
very open-minded. They knew that the
king is watching them dance and enjoying. In today’s times.. Mister,
get someone to entertain you. Once you get someone your wife will give her
a hard time she’ll even make
your life miserable. Things have changed
for worse nowadays. Talking about history I wish to know how informed
my audience are on history. Yes, hold the mic. Who got the Taj Mahal made? Shahjahan. That’s easy.
– That wasn’t the question. Then what? Okay..
– I was checking. Okay. Taj
Mahal was made by Shahjahan. At what time? Look,
everyone knows who built it. It was a warm up question.
– Okay. Who built the Red fort? No?
– No. The man behind..
Hand the mic over to Mohan. He’s sitting like
he got it made. Yes.. Red fort was built by
Bahadur Shah Zafar. No, it was made by Shahjahan. Really.
– You didn’t know? – No. Yes.
– Were you the mason there? Hand him over. Shahjahan made it.
– That question is over. Next question. Who was Shahjahan’s grandpa? Shahjahan’s grandpa?
– Yes. Akbar.. – No, he addressed
him as grandpa. That’s correct. You will be blessed by God. Thank you.. Who else
wishes to answer? Who seriously knows the answer. Archana, you select.
– Who raised the hand, first? You go. Hand the mic to him. When did the third
war of Panipat happen? 1874 You are not even close. One more try?
– Go on. Which is the oldest
civilisation of India? Options? Is this KBC?
– That’s it. Thank you, guys.
Thank so much. Thank you. Kapil.. Thank you, guys.
Thank so much. Kapil, I love you!
– Love you, Brother. I am destined to be with men. I love you! Thank you.
May you live the longest! Longest enough to be left alone. Archana, in Bollywood..
– Yes.. There are a few really good
films on social issues. A beautiful film on one
such issue is ‘Thappad’. The cast and director of that
movie are our guests today. Give a loud round of applause
while I invite very beautiful
and very talented actress Taapsee Pannu. Applaud for Taapsee..
– What an energy! What an energy!
Wow! Excellent.. Taapsee, I welcome you.
– Thank you. You look beautiful as always.
– Thank you.. Congratulations to you
on winning the ‘Critics Award
for Best Actress’. Thank you..
– Wow! I came here to promote myself..
– Oh yes.. I came here because,
the last time when I came here for ‘Saand Ki Aankh’,
I got an award. So I thought that
I should come here again. You never know..
– That’s it. Never have been too proud but it’s the truth..
– Never have been too proud. We have often seen that
the older actresses.. Yes..
– Don’t play roles of mothers. Isn’t that so, Ms. Archana? No, I mean.. I have done so many of it. But Taapsee played
the role of a grandmother. in ‘Saand Ki Aankh’.
– Whoa! Of an eighty year old
grandmother. We are so proud of you,
Taapsee. Thank you..
– You are most welcome. – Yes. Taapsee, there’s
a friend of mine.. He was saying that the title
of most of your movies have only single word.
For example ‘Baby’, ‘Soorma’,
‘Mulk’, ‘Pink’.. ‘Badla’, and now ‘Thappad’. Why are the titles of your
movies usually a single word? Is it because you are single? Did you not sleep all night?
– No. Why? She is promoting. You don’t get to sleep
when you are promoting. Yes.
– That’s why.. It’s not easy as just coming
here wearing good clothes. Take Kapil for example..
– Yes. He has a different reason.
Even though his daughter doesn’t let him sleep,
look at his condition. The problem with her is that
she doesn’t sleep on bed. I have to put her
to sleep in my lap. She must be enjoying it because she keeps moving like this
with her eyes open. My legs became so used
to it that I keep doing this even while standing. Have you ever noticed that the movies Taapsee does,
have court room drama in it. Yes.
– For example, ‘Mulk’ ‘Pink’..
– ‘Pink’. ‘Manmarziyaan’
was a romantic movie. Even that had a scene
with court in it. Yes.
– Are you here for acting in movies or do you
want to be a lawyer? I think that it has become
a lucky charm. The movie would be successful if it doesn’t have
a courtroom scene. I will even pass by a court. Actually..
– But a court must be in it. We will speak more
with Taapsee. But now it is time to invite
one more actor and a director related to this movie. So please welcome the very
beautiful actress Dia Mirza and writer, director,
and producer.. Mr. Anubhav Sinha. Mr. Anubhav and Ms. Dia,
I welcome you both. Can we sit down?
– Yes, please.. Chorus.
– You look very beautiful in black sari. Thank you. Do you mean to say that
she wouldn’t look good if it was not a black sari?
– Hey.. Just asking.
– Come on.. Look at Ms. Archana. She forgot
to show off her dress earlier. So she came here
to show it off. Your dress is very good,
Ms. Archana. You look very adorable. I swear.
You look like a parrot. I couldn’t sleep
properly at night. We were talking
about it before you came. Sometimes my brain
can’t process things. I don’t get much sleep. We have
shooting early in the morning. Not too early in the morning. When Mr. Akshay comes here,
we do that. And it’s the first time
for you today. When Mr. Akshay comes
early in the morning the whole team wakes up. So he was very pleased
and gave us 20 Lakh rupees. He has given the hint. He has given you the hint. Listen. Twenty lakh rupees? Yes.
– His movies earn 200 crores. Yes.
– Giving away 20 lakh rupees doesn’t make much difference
to him. Hope that our movie
earns 200 crores, too. We will definitely
give you 20 lakh rupees. We don’t have fixed amount. You can donate
as much as you want. Dia, it’s your first time here. What would you like?
Tea, coffee, or direct flirt? You know the theme
of the movie, don’t you? Be careful..
– I am not afraid of being slapped, ma’am. I am afraid of love.
– Afraid of love. I see. Mr. Anubhav, I heard that
you had to do couple retakes of the scene where Taapsee
gets slapped. There were more.
– It was a lot. Slapping is the theme
of this movie. Moreover, the man slapping
her must have thought that this woman has acted in movies
like ‘Naam Shabana’ and ‘Baby’ where she is beating up men.
– I can tell you what happened. I was there.
– Yes. She didn’t sleep all night. All right.
– She comes the next day.. We were shooting at night. On that day, Pavail was very worried and anxious. Before the final shoot,
they were shooting this particular sequence
all night. Okay.
– It was so dramatic.. He asked me to hit him first.
– Yes.. He was asking her
how can he hit her? He asked me to hit him once, so
he doesn’t feel bad hitting me. But she invested
in the character so much that she got so angry and didn’t
bring him for the promotion. It’s all right.
– Divorce.. You stood by your decision.
Very good. Dia, have you ever had to slap
a fellow actor in a scene? Did you need many retakes?
Were you nervous or feeling bad?
– Yes, of course. I think it happens both ways. Really?
– You are just as nervous when you have to hit someone. I did a show recently.
It had an intense scene. Even there,
my co-actor was so much worried. But I had to vomit
after the scene. I got physical
and had to throw up. Because when you are.. Going through such a moment,
even as a character it affects you
so much that.. Of course.
– You can’t even imagine what the people facing
this in everyday life must be going through. Okay.
– Absolutely. It’s so sad, actually. But it happens in our society.
– It’s terrifying. It happens everywhere.
– But I hope that this movie will bring a change. I hope too.
– Often it can be seen that when a man is
assaulting a woman.. This did happen
and I stopped that man. I told him that
he can’t hit her. Then the woman asked me.. She asked me who I am
to interfere. – Yes. – Yes. He is my husband,
he is hitting me. What do you
have to do with this? And I was shocked that
if this is their mentality.. That a husband can do
anything with his wife. I’m so glad
that a film like this is generating this new thinking that it’s not just a slap
but it’s the whole thinking which you are trying to change
through this film. I’m wondering why you
didn’t complete your story. They told you not to interfere.
– I.. – And then Ms. Archana thrashed
that couple. Oh.. Taapsee, Ms. Archana had
a question for you. Parents generally scold their
children. Have you ever got beaten up
by your parents? No.
I have got a lot of scoldings. I was never beaten by them. What about you? My mom hit me
when I was 21 years old. She slapped me really hard.
– Wow! Was she waiting for you
to grow up? ‘I will hit her when she
turns 21..’ Mr. Anubhav, have you got beaten
up by your parents? My God! I was talking to my father
at the back stage. I told him that he hit me
with a bat that day. I had gone to play cricket and
said that I’ll be back by 1 p.m. but I didn’t
reach even until 3 p.m. – Okay. So, I must have been 14-15
or something. – Okay. – Okay. So I hit this shot
and I’m now running. While I was returning,
we batsmen spoke with each other that we’ve got two runs. I crossed him to see that
dad was standing there. I’m running towards the wicket
and I’ve dad in front of me. So I kept running out
of the crease. Even if you touch your child
in foreign countries.. – Yes. They call up on 911. – Yes. But in India, we must slap our
children twice a day. Or else, we won’t believe
that they are our children. So, that is how.. Taapsee, you know this. ‘Yes’ or ‘no’. – Oh, wow!
– Yes. You just have to tell us if
you have done it or not. – Yes. Pass it to Mr. Anubhav too. So this is what you
have to answer. Oh!
– You are a star yourself. But, do you have desire
to click a selfie with any other celebrity? I do have.. – Who is it? I love sports stars.. – I see. I think that all
the sports stars are heroes. So I want to click selfies
with sports stars. Apart from that, when it comes
to the film industry Robert Downey Junior who
plays Iron Man. – Yes. – Yes. Dia, with whom do you
want to click a selfie? There are many. Because whenever I meet them and this is going
on since years.. I mean, I feel awkward
to click pictures with them. If you have to mention
one name among them.. I think, Mr. Bachchan.
– Mr. Bachchan. Wow! What about you, Mr. Anubhav? There are many people. Among them, there are also
those with whom I can’t click a selfie now.
Because they are no more. I wanted to click a selfie
with Gandhi. – Oh! I have this question
for all three of you. But you didn’t tell us who
you want to click a selfie with. Well, I want to click
a selfie with Mr. Sidhu. Have you ever tried to search your old crush on
the social media and find out what
he is doing now? We will obviously not ask you
who they are. Taapsee, what did you feel
after stalking your crush? Did you feel that
you missed out something or did you thank god that
it ended. – I said that I’m so sorry him. I’ve always felt.. I’ve looked at the pictures
and thought that I was saved. Have you ever
got up in the morning and slept again
for ten more minutes? Yes. – Yes. – Of course. This happens with everyone,
right? – Yes. – Yes. Don’t you do this? – Snooze.
– No. But I don’t sleep
for ten minutes. I think that I will sleep
for ten minutes. – Okay. But I sleep for three hours. You go to bathroom
and find out that the shampoo has got over. And.. You use the soap itself
to wash your hair. In my childhood. I am
asking this for the celebrities. But I have used soap
to wash whole body. – Yes. I didn’t even know that face
wash is different and body.. Yes. There are children who
used to wash even their hair with the bathing soap.
– Right? – Yes. So everyone has done this.
– Yes. Sir, have you done this too?
– Of course, I have. I still do it. Ms. Archana has never done it.
– Yes.. I mean, she uses the detergent.. So this is the end of this part.
– Oh! Thank you so much.
– Thank you. This was good. You do this great job
of laughing the whole day. Yes. Sir, it’s the grace of god. Even I was tired
when I came here. I hadn’t slept the whole night. I thought that I will look
bad here. But now I’d forgotten that
I haven’t slept. Wow! Chandu.. Security, oust them. And let him handle
the show alone. – Yes. Ma’am,
did you fall in paint box? A big hand for them. Bhatinda’s Umrao Jaan is here. This is called lack
of knowledge. – I see. Kappu Sharma, this is my
Ranveer Singh look. Kapil, why do I feel
as if you still look poor? This is also called jealousy. Hello, Mr. Anubhav!
How are you? – Hello, sir! They are rich people.
They are ought to be fine. Ms. Dia, how are you?
Ms. Taapsee, how are you? I’m absolutely fine. Thank you.
– Well.. Have you come to
hang out with us? – Hang out? Well, what is that? You all can go now.
Your job is done. I had given you Rs. 10 each.
That’s it. Kappu Sharma, I have decided
that I am going to achieve something big in life. Really? – Yes. There’s an elephant outside.
Go, wash him. He can wash
12 cars in one hour. Is it? – You don’t know
about this talent. My friend is very talented. Ms. Archana, should there be
any problem in washing our cars? Not at all.
– Isn’t it, Mr. Anubhav? Not at all. I have 12 cars. – 12 cars. So, ma’am, if you don’t mind,
a long drive.. Sir.. – Please take her. But she slaps really hard. He is not going to get slapped
for the first time. By the way,
what are you playing? I am the show stopper. Show stopper. Go, stop cars at the signal.
You.. During the peak hours
of traffic you can find him begging
on the streets. I don’t give darn
to all these questions. Chandu.. You know what he does
every morning he tells people if they yell
his name when he’s on stage he will get them a chance
to click a photo with me. Kapil Sharma, I tell only
my personal guests, you see. How can there be fifty, sixty
personal guests? There were only four people
at your wedding how can you have so many guests? Do you know what happened
on his wedding day? Everyone told the bride to
reconsider marrying him. She replied other grooms
will go out on work but this one is going
to stay with me all the time. And Mr. Anubhav, the same
people call me these days and request me to take
a selfie with them. Chandu.. He’s got good fan following. Diya ma’am, how do I look? Very handsome. Stunning..
– You look like a son of eagle
wearing ‘Lehenga’. When Govinda’s nephew can wear
a ‘Lehenga’, why shouldn’t I? Kappu Sharma you have no idea
what modeling is. Modeling demands fitness.
– Really? Look how fit I am. You really think you’re fit? He’s so week that one can see
his navel from behind. I can’t laugh anymore.. Yes, it’s called fitness when one can see your navel
from behind. but your navel
can’t be seen at all. His navel is one and half
feet deep. One and half feet? When he goes to the movies
he doesn’t get popcorn in a cup he just asks to fill his navel. This is how he eats popcorn
while watching movies. Sir, by the way, you saw
my confidence and my talent in acting. So, when are you going
to make a movie with me? I was quite sure
once I looked at you Wow.. – That you’re
good for nothing. But don’t stop yelling his name. Chandu.. Chandu.. Why would he cast you
in his movie? He doesn’t cast animals. Kappu Sharma, if my desinger
gets to know that you called her
show stopper a animal then she will shoe.. It’s not shoe, it’s ‘Su’. It has to be pronounced
twice ‘Su, su’. He can’t speak English
but wants to be a model. Am I not going to recite
a poetry on the ramp. What are you talking about
Kappu Sharma? I’m telling you
for your information I’m going to the place where
every heroine goes after making their mark
in the film industry. Where?
– Well.. Malaget..
– Where? – Where? It’s not ‘Malaget’
it’s Metgala. Well, call your owner up here.. Kappu Sharma, she isn’t
my owner, she’s my designer. So, please welcome
the incredible designer Bhoori. Hello, Anubhav sir. Hi, Diya
Hi, Taapsee. – Hi.. Wow. Where did this fox
come from? Excuse me, Kappu Sharma
this is my designer look. It’s not designer
it’s disaster look. You better change it otherwise
pigeon will lay eggs there. Excuse me, I’m not talking
to you. Can you please keep quiet? Wow, good English. She must have
washed Shashi Tharoor’s car. Well, why are you
so jealous of her? I teased her a bit
but the stepney got upset. Well, yes, I got upset.
Keep going.. Why don’t you keep going? What are you talking about?
I’m on your side and I’ve become a show stopper. Anubhav sir, I made him
a show stopper look at his face
it looks like a door stopper. Very good. Keep going.. By the way, Taapsee,
you choose films that’s based on real issues
and it inspires me a lot. I watched your film
‘Saand Ki Aankh’ I loved it very much.
– Thank you.. Tell her the whole story.
Her brother-in-law is quite fat. And she went to her sister and said ‘I want to watch
Saand Ki Aankh’. And she went lke this. I’m warning you against teasing
my brother-in-law. Keep quiet. Diya, I want to a room
in your heart. I watched that movie
four time it’s my all time favourite. Why don’t you tell her why
you watched it? She didn’t watch it for you. She had a huge crush
on Anupam Kher. She still carry his picture
in her purse. Well, please tell me who did you find
my piece of art. I don’t see any art
but I see a specimen. Stop laugh. It’s also called
model in English. Very good one. Listen me listen
please show me some respect. Well, Kappu Sharma what do you think of her looks? She looks like
an illiterate to me. If you hit the streets, you will
easily earn hundreds of rupees every days. I’m saying it genuinely. Kappu Sharma, go ahead
keep insulting me someday I’m going to get down
from a big car by waving my hand. Please stop calling bus
a big car. He went to his uncle’s place
once in a bus but couldn’t get down
because there’s no stop. His uncle lives in such
a shabby place. Chandu, don’t you have
any shame? How can you call a bus
a big car? Why don’t you tell them what
were you doing an hour ago? I was parking my vehicle
what else I was doing. Tell them what kind of a vehicle
were you parking. The one which you ride
like this. What sort of a vehice is that? It doesn’t end there. She was even making this sound
from her mouth. Chandu, how dare you make
fun of me? What do I have to wear
Manish Malhotra designed outfit to make fun of you? How dare you take his name? He cuts clothes
better than your mouth. He goes and sharpens it. I’m going to Neeta Lulla now. What?
– Yes. I don’t want to work
with you anymore. Sir, please bless me.
– Live long.. Okay, ma’am..
– Chandu, listen to me.. Chandu, listen to me.. Next week is supposed to be my ‘Bhoori Fashion week’. So, like you’re promoting
your movie please promote my brand too. So, let me show you
a small glimpse of my new collection.
– Sure. A small glimpse.
– A little. Okay. Isn’t this the guy who sells
digestive pills at Borivali station? No, Kapil.
This is my Benaras look. Look at the patches. They’re the same kind
of patches. You have them on your jacket
and he on his T-shirt. Mine has been placed.
He’s been spat on. Kapil, you know nothing
about fashion. So, please don’t interfere. You see, Tapsee,
I have made this for those who are single. The singles look. No, it’s the signal look. She’ll come begging at the
traffic signal in the same clothes
and if you refuse her alms she’ll scratch your car. I won’t beg at signals now. My hoardings will be seen
far and wide.. That’s it.
– Whoa.. Only your wide lips will
be seen from far. Sir, he won’t let me talk
to you in peace. I’ll show you the rest of
my collection backstage. And.. – Yes, and they can’t wait
to see it. Thank you!
– Thank you. Thank you so much.
– Bye! Bye.. See you later. Okay.. So, Diya. When you were crowned
Miss India.. It was twenty years ago. Congratulations to you. And I remember,
the day she was crowned Dinesh was punished in college
on the day. I was about to ask
where were you? Right next to him, punished. He’s aged so since then,
he looks like a pitbull! But you’re still the same. What do you eat? Definitely not people’s brains! Do you all know that
Mr. Anubhav started out with the movie ‘Tum Bin’. What a movie! Huge applause
for ‘Tum Bin’. It was an amazing movie. It was a romantic film. Of late he’s been making movies
like ‘Mulk’ ‘Article 15’, ‘Thappad’. What went wrong? Why did you stop believing
in love? You’ve made a complete
turn around. He’s fallen in love with
his country. That’s right.
I love my country. I love my people. We’ve done a lot of research
about Mr. Anubhav. And we’ve found out that one of the movies
he directed, ‘Mulk’ was completed in 27 days.
– Wow! See how thorough
our research is? ‘Article 15’ was wound up
in 30 days. And ‘Thappad’ was completed
in 31 days. – Wow! And we’ve also come to know that one of them,
he wrote in three days. All three of them were written
in three days. All three? So, what’s the rush? Why such a hurry? The first draft was made
in three days. Then it takes up to a year
and a half to finish. Okay.
– Thappad took a little longer. How much?
Three and a half days. Yes. We’ve heard one more thing
about Diya. She had once predicted that she’s started
earning for herself from the age of 16 and that she’d have her own car
by 18. She’ll buy her own home
by 21 and she’ll be crowned
Miss Asia Pacific. And all the predictions
came true. Wow! Diya, you’re with us today. We want you to predict something about our country.
Like, when will Mr. Sidhu come back? What’s your prediction? I thought you were going to
ask me are we going to stop using
single use plastic by 2020. A lot of people have stopped
using it. We’ve phased out
plastic bottles.. – Yes. Our set is plastic free.
– Well done, Kapil. Thank you! Mr. Anubhav, we’ve also
heard this about you. When you came to Mumbai
from Varanasi.. He called up his dad. His dad asked him
how much he earns. And when he answered the phone fell from his
dad’s hand. He didn’t have confidence
in you? What had happened?
What did you tell him? He educated me to be
an engineer. I worked for a year,
but didn’t enjoy it. So, I quit the job without
informing him. I was in Delhi. I spent a year struggling
with no job and no means of livelihood. I kept thinking what I
wanted to do. When I figured out that
I want to be a director I told him about it. He said, I was free to do
whatever I want. He must not have expected me to start earning that soon.
– Okay. But I did.
So, that actually happened. He asked me how much I earned. This was around 1991-92. I told him, Rs. 50,000.
– Okay. So, he went into a shock. He was worried I was doing
something illegal. But Anubhav, you thought
of directing movies straightaway or did you think
about acting? There are many directors
who wanted to be actors.. No, I’m an excellent bad actor. Sir, here are some rumours. Rumours are often spread
about celebrities. Of course.. Tapsee, there’s a rumour
that as a kid you often spoke for hours
on the phone even for wrong numbers?
– It’s true. Did you dial the numbers
yourself? – No. For incoming calls. You know how talkative I am. So, I would just answer
the phone and even if it was a
wrong number.. Mostly people would ask to speak
to my parents on the landline phone.
– Okay. When they asked for anyone else I used to ask them,
why they’ve called. If they told me, I’d say,
‘Talk to me.’ ‘I’ll convey the message.’ I would tell them there’s
an emergency and the concerned person
can’t talk. So, I would get them to tell me
everything. When we were kids,
the thrill of answering the landline phone was
something else. We’d make a run..
– We’d complete among siblings,
as to who gets it first. Mr. Anubhav, the rumour
about you is that that before directing movies you used to issue experience
certificates to people because your name means
experience. Oh.. I think this is..
– No, it’s a good one. Diya, there’s a rumour about you that sometimes you tell people you’re Sania Mirza’s sister
to get free passes for tennis matches
at Wimbledon. They’re both from the same city. Actually.
– We’re both from Hyderabad. We went to the same club. I’d go for swimming
while Sania played tennis. And we’ve also been
to the same school. It’s actually surprising.
Why do people think that because we are from
the same city and have the same surname,
we are sisters! Yes, obviously..
It’s obvious, right! We still laugh about it as a lot
of people think we are sisters. The same happened
to you too. – What? Daku Durjan Singh
and you. That was funny! People ask if Puran Singh
and Durjan Singh are cousins. But they aren’t.
It’s just a rumour. Taapsee, it’s rumoured that you
don’t like coconuts. So, when you work
in South Indian movies pumpkins are broken instead of
coconuts during the veneration. Then you’d say
‘We’ll cut and share a pumpkin.’ Actually.. My first shot
in a Telugu film.. Pumpkin is considered
auspicious there. – I see. A pumpkin was present
in my first shot. It was later broken.
This really happened. Wow. – I see.
– It’s considered auspicious. So, we have rumours
that are actually true. There is another one about you. There are so many rumours! As you have been to courts
so many times in your movies your friends and relatives call
you before they pay a lawyer to make sure he is
charging them the right amount. They ask you.
It’s said so. – Good one. I used to ask a lot of questions
when I was young. My father would get irritated
and ask me to become a lawyer as I argued so much.
– Wow. Now that I have done
so many roles, I tell him.. I have become a lawyer!
– I have become a lawyer! Dia, it’s rumoured that
in a zoo in Lucknow a leopardess has been named
Dia Mirza. Yes, she has two cubs as well.
A-Ashoka and Nakshatra. I gave them those names.
– I see. Seriously?
How did it happen? If there are wild animals in
enclosed areas we can adopt and take care
of them. – I see. The indigenous zookeeper thought that since
the leopardess came from Mirzapur.. – I see. He named her Dia Mirza.
– Wow. – Wow. She was named Dia Mirza
and one day I was called and told about this
and that she has given birth to two cubs. They asked me
if I could name them. I said, ‘Sure. They
are my children!’ ‘I will name them.’
– How sweet! They were named and of course,
we took care of.. Did you ask the parents
for consent? No. So, that ends our rumours.
Thank you. I want to ask the audience
something. People say that romance
dies when the marriage gets old. Is that true? I have only been married
for a year. So, I have no idea.
What do you think? You can state your opinion. Yes, ma’am.. My name is Hethal.
I am from Mumbai. Welcome, Hethal.
– Thank you, sir. Kapil, age is just a number
for anything. – Yes. As we grow old,
love increases. Initially, I’d ask him
to cook on Sundays and take me shopping
when a sale is happening. I see. – Just a glance
is enough now. Just a glance would make
him understand what I want. You might think it’s love
but he might be scared! No.. He understands.. No.. He understands and.. Sir, you are here with her.
How are you? I am fine now.
– Do you cook well? ‘I am fine now.’ Do you understand what she wants
from her gestures? That’s why you are fine. It felt good to hear
that love increases. What do you want to say?
– What do you want to say? She is right.
– I see. Do you do it because of love
or is it fear? No.. It’s love.
– Love? A lot of love. Sometimes I feel
he is getting bored. He is making gestures
behind your back. No.. When I feel he is bored I ask him to go to Dubai and I say that
I’d plan a surprise. I tell him to travel alone,
have some fun watch belly dancing and
come back rejuvenated. Does he go alone?
– I do that for him. What would you be doing then? I will be in Mumbai.. If my wife asks me to do it,
I will paint the town red. What do you do, sir?
– Diamond business, sir. Diamond business? Diamond business. Diamond business. You will be gifting your
wife diamonds then. Yes, sir.
– Amazing. Thank you so much for coming
to the show. – Thank you.. May the Lord bless you. Yes, ma’am.
Please hand her the mic. Hello, everyone.
– Hello, ma’am. I am Renu Agarwal.
I am from Kolkata. Welcome.
– Thank you. I think romance fades away
as the marriage gets old. It’s true. Because initially, when we
used to go for vacations they’d last 20 days.
Just the two of us. I see.
– We’d have a good time as well. I see. – Now, even when we
have to go for 2 days he says find some
another couple to come along as we won’t have
anything else to do there. You think the reason
is that romance has faded away. Romance has faded away
and when we sit down to talk after 10 minutes, we’d
start arguing! It never happened earlier. So, it’s confirmed. Later, I’ll be in
the living room and he’ll be in the bedroom. He will be watching
news and I’ll be watching ‘Kapil Sharma Show.’ Wow.. Oh. I’d like to know his opinion
as well. Sir, what do you
think about what she said? Do you agree with it? When we got married
we were young. You obviously
got married in the past. Marketing was less initially
but now, it has increased. Marketing?
– Shopping. Shopping.
– Yes. Okay.. Just in 2 days.. M-Marketing.. If we go for six days..
– Yes, sir. They’d spent the fund
in two days. I see.
– Okay.. – Fund.. So, automatically, love
decreased after the fund was exhausted. All right. All of us have
our own logic and circumstances. How long have you been married?
– 32. – 32. 32? Wow!
– Wow! Congratulations, sir. Thank you. Is there anyone else who wants
to state their opinion? Yes, ma’am. Hello, Mr. Kapil.
– Hello, ma’am. Sir, I am a big fan of yours.
– Thank you, ma’am. I never miss your show. So sweet of you.
Thank you, ma’am. I have my food when
I watch the show. No matter how the food is,
it tastes sweet because you are one
of the sweetest persons. Thank you, ma’am.
Thank you. I think as a marriage gets old..
– Yes. Love decreases.
– How? Love, when we are young,
is like a bottle of soft drink. Yes.. We open
it quickly and it fizzes. Love reduces
as the gas goes out. I’ve heard love
and gas be compared before. At first, a married couple pretend to be normal with each other..
– Yes.. After a while, they pass
gas in each other’s presence. Oh, God! So you believe that people
fall out of love. Yes.
– What’s the reason for that? When we’re young, most
of the time, we’re less in love and more attracted
to the opposite gender. All right. – When you’re newly
wed, everything seems nice and sweet.. – Okay.. – But then,
things become real. They start noticing problems. They start passing gas
in front of each other. You’re right, the gas does
pass gets expelled. Is your husband with you here? No, sir. Where’s he? Filling up on gas?
– Gas.. Thank you for coming
to the show. Does anyone else want to talk? Yes, sir? Are you from Punjab?
– Yes, sir. Your attire..
– I’m a party of Punjab police. Really? Wow!
– I’m from Jalandhar. From Punjab..
– Really? Welcome to the show. You asked if love increases
or reduces. I’ve been in Punjab police
for 14 years. Okay. – When I leave
for my duty hours my family members sleep. And they’re asleep
when I return. Okay.. – We express
all our love to the criminals we catch. We do everything with them. What sort of love is that?
– So.. We inquire the criminals.
We inquire with quite affection.
– I know. Yes.. And..
– What sort of love is that? Please tell us in detail. It’s all practical, though.. I.. It happens inside and outside
the lock-up.. Inside and outside.. – Yes..
In the premises of police station.. – Yes.. – Yes..
– That’s where it happens. Outside.. You can’t display that outside..
– We can’t.. So it’s an internal matter.
Okay. I’ve written
a few lines for you. How sweet.. – If you would..
– This is also love. Thank you.. Please.. – He’ll say the rest
in his place. Yes, sir.. It’s a song, for you.
– Okay, please.. Wow! Amazing!
– Wow! Wow! Very good.. Thank you.
– Wow! I love you, sir. Hello! – Hi, Taapsee. – Hello..
– Hello, Diya. Hi! Kapil, I love your show. Thank you.
– We all love your show. We watch it regularly. When I was in hostel,
we students requested the principal to have a TV. Really?
– Yes, to watch your show. What’s your name?
– Khush Verma. Where are you from, Khush?
– I’m from Ahmedabad. Okay..
Do you live in hostel? I used to live in hostel.
I graduated from my college. Now I’m preparing for
competitive exams for jobs. Wow! Sir, I’ve wanted
to meet Taapsee. How sweet! Would you like
to come on the stage? Come.. – Yes..
– Please, come.. Two of my friends have come
with me, Riya and Parth. Okay.. – Riya..
– Come on.. How are you, Parth.. I’m fine.
– Come on. Hi!
– Come, Riya. Hi.. – Hi, Khush.
I love your name. Thank you, ma’am.
– It’s a nice name. We’ve watched a lot
of your films. – Thank you.. Come here, Riya. Riya. – Hi!
– Meet her. She’s Diya. It’s so nice to meet you.
– Same here.. Thank you so much,
for coming.. What exams
are you preparing for? I’m studying
for my English honours and I’m working
as a radio jockey. Wow! – It’s a radio station
for the disables. – Okay. Best wishes to you.
– Thank you.. Thank you..
– It’s been nice meeting you. Thank you..
– Thank you so much. Thank you..
– Top the exams, all right? All the best. – It was nice
to meet you, Parth. – Come.. Come.. One at a time..
– One at a time.. One minute.. Careful.. Hi! Hi! Hi! Sapna..
– How are you guys? Hi! Sapna..
– Hi.. Hi!
– What amazing energy! – Yes. That was awesome. Thank you. Hi.. I’m a fan.. Oh! I’m a fan of yours..
I’ve watched your films.. I..
– Yes, in the theatres. – Oh! I’ve a problem with English.. No smoking.. No parking.. Two kids a couple is nice.. Hi, sir..
– Hi! How are you, dear?
– Hi.. You came last time for ‘Article
15’, right? That’s nice.. You’re Anubhav Sinha..
– Yes.. Did Shatrughan Sinha not come? Why would he? It’s not his film
that’s going to be released. He’s worked in ‘Kalicharan’
and ‘Bombay to Goa’.. He’s has worked in many films.
What are you saying? People come here to promote
their upcoming films. Do those people come here? Yes, so what? – What’s the name
of your upcoming film? What film..
– He’s here to watch the show. So those who come for promotion
sit up here. – Yes And those who come to watch
the show sit down there. – Yes. What’s man sitting up
there doing here then? I’ll tell you. The only thing happening to her
is getting weekly cheques. Hi, Diya. So nice..
You’re so beautiful! I like you. I stay Nalasopara.
– Yes. Yes.
There’s a Mr. Mirza over there he’s a huge fan of yours.
– I see. He has sent something
for Diya. What has he sent? I don’t know, can I open it?
– Yes. He’s sent a ‘Diya’ for Diya. Wow..
Here you go. Ms. Mirza sent a ‘Diya’ for Diya that I’m giving to Diya. I love you Diya.
– I love you too! Very nice, I like it. Thank you, Sapna.
– Very nice. Thank you. – My uncle
wears similar shoes at home. Very nice. You’re creating nuisance.
You won’t leave unless I call the security.
– Security.. Wait a minute. Tapsee, I have a question. If you stab a security guard
with a knife under what article does
one get booked? How will she know? She always fights court cases
in her movies. Who else will know? I honestly, I loved ‘Soorma’.
– Thank you. Of course, it was a nice film. No, I meant the kohl we apply
in our eyes. I’m sorry, I haven’t watched
the movie yet. I can’t just come on TV
and tell lies. I even liked Pink a lot. You mean pink lipstick?
– No! The movie. What’s wrong with you?
What is it with you? Don’t you do your homework? He’s talking nonsense. Sapna, Ms. Diya is here
for the first time. Say something nice,
don’t just talk nonsense. I know.. She’s been Miss Asia.. Pacific. – Asia..
– What’s that? Miss Asia Pacific. Yes, Miss Asia Assese..
– Okay.. – That’s right. I want to be that too,
please give me some chips. Tips! It’s not chips!
– Okay.. Look.. – It’s tips!
– It’s not my fault. Ms. Archana told me to ask
for chips. She said she was hungry
and she wanted chips. I’m telling you honestly. When there was an award function at the Cicific.. – Cicific!
– Cicific! So, even I had applied.
– I see. I was ten minutes late or else they’d have given me
an award too. – Yes, right. As soon as the were about
to announce the winner her beard started sprouting. You’re going on about yourself. Talk about their movie,
will you! I’ve been promoting your movie
since morning, you know. First thing in the morning,
I slapped the milkman. Yes. Then I slapped the newspaper guy and I slapped the
auto rickshaw driver twice. I’ve been promoting them
since morning. Who promotes a film like that? That’s how we do it
in Nalasopara. When Mr. Bhatt’s film, Murder
had released.. Yes? – Some of the people
who were promoting it are still in jail. Then Mr. Bhatt called me. Then he said his movie ‘Zeher’
is about to release. I refused outright.
I didn’t want to die. So, what if you have to promote ‘The Bandit Queen’?
You’ll become a bandit? No, I’ll become a queen.
– Oh! Everyone here knows
who the bandit is. And.. That’s how she paid for
the four bungalows she owns. All good? I’m asking if all is okay
with the bandit. Okay. You know what, Kapil?
There’s a bandit who’s like a brother to her.
– Is it? – How come? He ties a ‘Rakhi’ on her wrist
and she protects him in return. Stop beating around the bush. What do you expect?
Should I tell her directly that she’s a dangerous bandit? Is that a polite thing to say?
She’s our judge! I’m sorry, Ms. Archana.
Now tell me do I ever taunt you indirectly? He’s making me talk directly. I’m telling you. Sir, we’re starting a business
in Nalasopara. Okay. – So, I’ve decided to run
the business in collaboration with you. Why with him?
– Why? My mom always says that experience brings success. Anyway.. Sir, I have a beauty parlour. You’ve been there, ma’am. In our beauty parlour, we have different types of massages.
– Okay. – Okay. So..
We have a Soorma massage. What is that?
– In that.. I have a boyfriend, Mukesh. We run a pig washing service. Have you seen those pink pigs
who look like this? – Yes. We wash those pigs.
So, for Soorma massage we take the customer to
the pig washing service. We apply oil on them. Then we call the pig’s mother. Why would you do that? The pig’s mother is a sow. So, she gives a
‘Sow’rma massage. There’s one more
and that’s even better. We have this type of
massage services available. What’s special about it? We apply some oil
on the customers body and make it
flexible with yoga. Okay.
– And then we weigh them. What about the tongue? As soon as we do that,
his tongue rolls out. I got the joke. That was a nice one. Wasn’t it? My time’s up. We shall leave now.
Bye, Ma’am. Bye.
– Last time you were here with your friend,
Bhumi Pendekar, right? Doing justice to her name, she
gave me a pen before leaving. If you could lend me some
‘Punnu’ as per your name.. I’ll use the pages
for my script. The next time you come, carry it Okay. Sure.
– Okay. Bye. Bye. That was amazing. Really.. My cheeks are paining
because of laughing. She nailed it.. I would like to share
something about Dia Mirza. Along with being
an amazing actress she’s an environment and
wildlife conservationist. She’s appointed as an
Environment Goodwill Ambassador for India. Wow.
– Dia, can you share some details about the same? I’ll try to summarise
the initiative. Our lives are dependent
on environment.. Yes.
– And it resources. That’s true. – If we want
a healthy lifestyle and if we wish to advance
in the same. – Yes. Not in India, but worldwide. The real development
can be termed as when the environment
and the human behaviour that is the human advancements and consumption of
nature’s resources.. Are eco-friendly
and sustainable. Climate change is
something that is affecting every single life
on this planet. – Yes. Our health suffers as we consume polluted air, water or food. That’s true.
– So.. We all can take small steps to bring great changes. The beginning can
be as simple as dry and wet waste
segregation at home. You can start composting
the wet waste if possible. We can avoid usage of
single-use plastics. We can make others
aware of these issues. We all can make a
difference together. Absolutely. Dia. I and my team
including the backstage crew had initiated a campaign
in collaboration with Mr. Jack Shroff. Each one of us planted a tree.
– I’m aware about that. And each person nominated three
others to do the same. I think.. That’s appreciable. You’re doing a commendable job,
Dia. We congratulate
you for the same. All of you please come forward. Let’s have a round
of applause for them. Let’s applaud the team
of the movie ‘Thappad’. Thank you, Tapsee and Dia. Thank you.. – Thank you
for coming, Mr. Anubhav. We enjoyed this.
All the best for the film. Keep smiling and laughing.
Keep your surroundings clean. Keep watching
‘The Kapil Sharma Show’. Good night. Thank you.

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