The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 64 – Full Episode – 10th August, 2019

Wow.. Thank you very much. How was your vacation, Archana? It was very good.
What about yours? I was in Canada. I was in New York.
– Oh, yes. My foot is itchy.
One second. What.. – I bought new shoes
from the airport, you see. So, that’s that. Nice. Very nice!
– Archana, quite recently scientists from ISRO completed
their mission to Mars. Yes. – And why not?
After all, the team consisted of mostly women scientists.
Applause for them, please. As you know, if a woman
is determined to do something she never fails
to accomplish it. – Yes. And who knows that
better than you. Archana.. It’s been so long.
Please tell us now where have you hidden
Mr. Sidhu. Down here.. Right here. He can’t come back here. Anyway.. On the success
of ISRO the film ‘Mission Mangal’
has been made and our guests tonight
are the cast of the film. The first one I’d like
to invite here is someone who doesn’t know
the word impossible. His acting, action, lifestyle
and discipline has won many hearts and now
he’s reached Mars in his film. The one I’m talking about
is the action king of Bollywood. With a huge round of applause,
please welcome the supremely talented.
supremely dashing Bollywood superstar Akshay Kumar,
and the very charming and very beautiful actress
Sonakshi Sinha. Thank you.. Thank you.. Sonakshi.. – Just give me
a monthly pass to this place. You can rent a room here.
– Exactly! I think, I’ll have to rent
a place here. So, like every week,
welcome to the show. Sonakshi Sinha has been coming
here back to back. Guys.. What is this if not love? I’m telling you.
‘Raksha Bandhan’ is approaching. The love between siblings
is the best. There is nothing
greater than that. I keep flirting and enjoying,
but I know it too.. What? – I’m married now.
What do I do? You’re even dressed
like an astronaut today. I know! You know,
I’m always in character. Sonakshi, where is Akshay?
– He must be on Mars. So will he land from the top?
– How else do you expect Akshay Kumar to come? Right.
So come on.. Let’s see how he enters. Sona.. Kapil! Kapil!
– Whoa.. Hey..
– Kapil.. Oh, my God. What! What happened? Where is he?
– Where is Akshay? Peter.. I thought, Akshay.. You have been looking
for me down there while I’m up here. Wow! Akshay.. Akshay.. Akshay.. Akshay.. Hello everyone. Looking
very good. – A big round A big round of applause
for Mr. Akshay. How did this happen? Sir, welcome. How are you?
– How are you? How are you, ma’am?
– I got a shock. Clear this. Sir, why did you make us
spend on this box if you didn’t want
to come in this? He scared us. The funny part is.. This idea was given
by his director. This rubbish idea
was given by him. Do you think
they will spend so much on my idea? Having said about
the expenses.. ‘My name appears in Forbes.’ ‘I spend money.’ ‘I earn so much.’ He does 52 shows
in a year. And he charges the same money
that I take for one film. I have only four films. He goes for a vacation
to Canada. This is not all.. Krishna had been to LA. They earn so much yet they talk
about others. Sir, I have told my
team this time whether you do
four or six films in a year whether you pay 40 crores
or 100 crores as taxes.. Whether you buy
a new car or bungalow.. No one shall discuss this. No one will discuss. No one will talk
about these things. Absolutely. Ms. Archana was telling me
to ask you if you have a property
on Mars. I did not ask.
– Absolutely. I have a property on Mars. That’s why, I have
made this film. Prime property. Put your hands together
for Mr. Akshay. And also for the one
who hung this up. Clear this. We will try it with someone
else in another show. Milind! Here.
– How are you? He is my neighbour. Really?
You are so rich. You are his neighbour. Milind, come here. Come on.
Don’t get nervous. Milind Deshpande. He is.. I have spent
my childhood with him. Mr. Milind, welcome. How are you? Have you come with Mr. Akshay?
– Sonakshi Sinha. – Hello! Sir, were you in
the same school? He studied in Don Bosco.
– Okay! He used to far away. But, I still remember
one incident. He used to beat me up. Sir, you were violent
since your childhood? Absolutely. That’s helped me grow. I have done martial arts.. By beating him up.. That’s how I have grown. I have a few friends. I have spent my childhood
with these friends. – Wow. I make sure to visit
their building once in a month. I share my childhood
memories with them. So nice of you, Milind. You haven’t forgotten
Mr. Akshay. Actually, we will never
be able to forget him. He.. – He doesn’t address
me as Akshay but as Raju. I see.
– Sir, Raju is your name? Yes.
Raju. Actually, I can’t express
myself here. Thanks, Akshay! So sweet. Sir, you look like a scientist
by wearing glasses and formals. Sir, did you like
the subject science when you were in
school and college? Do you remember anything
about science? I remember my discoveries
that I had made. What? – My father
had gifted me a transistor. Okay.
– On my birthday. Then it used to cost
Rs. 175. It used to be a big deal
to have a transistor. Yes.
– And I used to have it. I told my father
about my discovery. ‘Look, it sticks.’ I threw it..
There was an iron cupboard. It got stuck. Basically, it was a magnet. So, I discovered a magnet. I told my father
that I discovered a magnet. So.. ‘Son, where did you
get this from?’ I told him
that I broke the radio. ‘I removed the magnet
from it.’ So..
I still remember.. I got slapped for this. Because I had taken out
the magnet by breaking the radio
worth Rs. 175. I still don’t understand
why I broke it. But, I was fond of
experiments. You were fond of
dismantling things No.
Not dismantling.. That’s true.
But deconstructing.. Yes..
– I was fond of this. Tell me the meaning
of deconstruct. – Deconstruct! Reconstruct! Making it again.
– After the show. I know this much English. I am a Canada return, pal. Oh, my God! Sir, everybody
has a mission. What is both of yours
mission this year? It is my mission that by the end
of the year I’d be like Akshay. And I get to come on
this show Four times a year. She has two films out
third is ‘Mission Mangal’ and now we have
‘Dabang 3’ in December. That is four. – Four she has
got now. Three in August. She is Akshay Kumar
when it comes to women. She breaks quite
a few things in her movie. The next lady coming has the same to say. She has planned to do
four films. Yes.
– I want them to.. We learnt from the best. We want people
to do more films. To bring more movies
to our audience. That people earn.
People get jobs. We get sets and
many studios may rise. We must have
a lot of theatres. Do you not think?
It is good. Do you like doing just
one movie per year? Answer me. Was that for me? So sweet. Just saying. I have been offered
and I will do. All the best.
– All the best. Thank you. Sir, we saw in the trailer
that you carried a cylinder. Did you get one
in real life? Yes, I have. When we lived in
Bandra east. Okay.. – There I had to go
there and get the cylinder. You remember, right? The one out back there! Vijay gas! We had to get. Are these all your guests? Yes, they are all
my guests. She is Aparna. How are you, Aparna? Aparna is my friend.
A long-time friend. She is her kid. She is your daughter? Wow!
– They look like sisters, right? I welcome you to my show. Thanks a ton! – Thank you. The ones to the side?
– Kapil, let me tell you. Yes. – She comes to
every show of yours. Yes? – She
comes and sits over here. I get calls that she wants
to be at the show. Really?
– Did seem familiar! Good to see you. – I bring some
‘Khichdi’ for him. Yes, Sago ‘Khichdi’ is here
for me. A diet ‘Khichdi’. What is the point of earning
so much if you eat ‘Khichdi’? Really? Even ‘Khichdi’ is made
for the diet? Yes, made with least
spices. It is due to this diet that I am at this
for three decades. Did you hear that? You keep munching. I am at it
for four decades. Sir, this guy
with a mohawk? – Yes. The one with colors
thrown on his head. Dear God! This is my staff. Raise your hand! Shafiq and Milan. That is Sukhi and Lucky. People seem so happy
in his team. Wow! Right! Look at our team.
Hera over there. We found him
in a fair. Welcome, sir.
Come on! Please be seated! As you all know
earlier in Bollywood Sir Devanand used to do
romantic movies. And Mr. Dilip
did sad movies. Mr. Dharam did action
movies. Manoj Kumar did
patriotic movies. Then comes Akshay Kumar. He does all types
of movies. He comes up
with different categories. He makes movies
about social cause. Sir do you not want
others to get some work? I simply do four films
a year and about 200 movies
are made per year. So he is keeping an eye
on what others are doing! I am simply keeping
a track of industry. Archana, you are
from industry. Say something. He speaks a lot and
so do you. I do not speak much. Where do I come in? This day will be recorded
as Ms. Archana was quiet. Sir has a line in
the movie that if we go to Nasa
for every trouble then we will
be ruined. – Correct. Sir, has it ever happened that you went to someone
for advice and they told you
something crazy. About six years ago my friend and I were
working out and there was a fit man
and he was a friend. He then told us
to drink some protein shakes and some pills and injections. – Okay. That we should take those
to get a proper body. And the other takes them and his life became hell. I am telling you.
It has such side effects! My friend did take it
but I did not. I never go
for any such thing. I want you all
to stay away from such things. This is being spread
a lot. They will ruin
your body. It will hurt you. There are many problems
that come with it. It affects your kidneys. Ruins your liver. It affects your sex life. A lot many things
can be harmed by this. This is a shortcut
to build your muscles. Build your muscles
with sheer hardwork and that’s it, all yours. Wow.
– Wow. This all your
hardwork, which you have been doing
since many years. Great.
– Wow. So now it’s time to call the other actresses
who were in the movie. So please make huge round
of applause for whom? Taapsee Pannu
and Kirti Kulhari. – Wow. Kirti, Taapsee, we welcome you. Thank you.
– Thank you. I’m so happy today. There are three beautiful
actresses in our show. – Wow! It’s very rare because
gents do ladies work here. Ms. Archana is a
true gentleman, I mean.. Something was thrown. That was good aim. So first of all a
big congratulations for your movie ‘Mission Mangal’. Thank you. – We all saw
the trailer, it was great. Thank you.
– All of you are looking great. Thank you. Come, Taapsee, Kirti
and Sonakshi. Please sit. Come. Have some fruits. There’s a half eaten
banana here. The peel is also
hidden underneath. Ms. Archana. Please don’t do all
this, Ms. Archana. – Why? That day you took a
production house worker’s cycle. Kirti, I have
heard that you have done graduation in management. No, let me explain..
– Post graduation in journalism. No, post graduate diploma
not post graduate. You used to play
badminton as well. – Yes. You wanted to become
an air hostess. You became an actress. You have gone on a
mission or confusion? It started with confusion and now I reached my mission. You reached a great mission.
– Thank you. I want to ask something
from all three of you. If you get an opportunity
to invent something then what will you invent? I want to make a time machine.
– Yes. I need it, that’s
why. I will use it and others can also use it. I will give it on rent. Time Machine?
– Yes. You want to go
in the future or past? I can go anywhere.
– Yes, anywhere. Okay. There
must be a reason behind it. I mean If I want
to go anywhere cut down the journey time or go in the future or past. Then all of it
will be well managed, so.. So this is the best invention
in a place like Mumbai, right? If you want to go somewhere then you can save so much time. No. Time machine will flounder..
– That’s flying machine. I mean if you close your eyes
– Potholes. and you reach wherever
you want to go. Mr. India type.
– Teleporting. Yes, teleporting.
That’s the word. – What? Teleport.
– Teleporting machine. Tele, porting.
– Porting. Teleporting.
– Buddy, it’s not for us. Carry on. Like transport..
– We only know about stool. We don’t know teleporting. Akshay, if you get to
invent something and you are
successful in doing so then what will you invent? I would want
to finish all the things which are founded
via technology. He’s only breaking. – I want to finish things like she
is saying teleporting. I would travel in a train,
I want to see the outside world. When did you last travel
in a train, Akshay? Me? Around 12 days before,
when I was in London. Don’t talk about London. Why? You asked when did
I last travel in a train. Train is also a technology. No, I’m just saying
that I wouldn’t want.. See, I know it takes
two days to reach. Yes.
– I would like to do that. I wouldn’t want the travel of two days to cut
down to a minute. I was asked the
question I want to answer it. Why are you finishing
our thing? Say something new. Fine, one minute.. Now, it’s these three versus me. Are you all with me? Fine, ask. Wow, great.
– Say something new. You do four pictures in a year.
– Yes. You don’t have spare time. Who said that?
– No, he has lots of spare time. I take the most number
of holidays. – That’s true. I have just spent
a month of holiday. September, almost now and.. September is yet to come.
– What? September is yet to come.
– Fine, one month.. No, I mean I will go
in September again. Fine, even if you take
one month’s holiday then if you would have
travelled to London via train it would have taken you a month. Fine, she means..
– Setting, take her out. Take her out from here. You see.
– What are you saying? Why will I? Train doesn’t
have routes till there. Sonakshi,
you don’t know about him. Even if he goes in train,
then he will call the writer and tell him to write a script
about him travelling in train. He can do a movie
about it as well. True that. I had seen a video,
Ms. Twinkle had uploaded it. You were hanging,
so she had written that you are doing it for five dollar.
– 100 dollars. – 100 dollars. 100 pounds.
– Pounds. What were you doing exactly? I had to hang for two minutes. That’s it?
– Yes. You must have earned thousands. No..
– Okay. It wasn’t like
I just have to hang. It was revolving.
– Okay. So when you hold it,
then you realise its revolving so it doesn’t
give you a grip. – Okay. So that was next to impossible. So you got 100 pounds? No, I could hold on
for one minute and 35 seconds. I must salute you that you
could hold on for so long. I mean..
– Am I right? But I admit, I got fooled. He must have earned 100 pounds. He was very
smart. He was an Indian. An Indian conned you,
so let it go. Akshay said that in college,
he with his friends used to watch only
English movies. It increased his knowledge. What knowledge was
increasing by watching it when you were
18-19 years of age? First of all tell me,
when did I say this? I have a research team. I want to meet
that research team. Are they the ones?
– Yes, they are sitting here. These..
– They do all the work. These two persons
with spectacles and two without. Them? Now, speak. You were trying
to land me in problem. Today, I have my proof as well. All my childhood friends
are sitting here. They know. Mr. Milind, you have never seen English movies?
– We used to go to Kalamandir. Karate movie.
– Karate. Pass him the mike. Only karate movies, that’s it. He saw and learnt it.
What about you? I used to get beaten up by him. So sweet. There’s Sharman
Joshi in the film who says his eclipse is not
good, he’s not getting married and the department people are
talking about going to Mars. There are many
people who believe that eclipse affects one’s life. There are many people
here who think the same and they must do
some treatment as well. Pass the mike. Hello
everyone. – Hey. Was that for Akshay? – Sonakshi
and Akshay, of course. – Oh. Thank you.
– Okay. – They both are also good.
– Give them as well. Of course, for everyone.
– They didn’t do anything. For Archana as well. I’m Dr. Khushboo.
I’m from Kangra, Himachal. I do believe
in the eclipse somewhat but when it was going on,
then something else happened. When I was a student then someone told my parents that I’m not meant for studies. She doesn’t have
any scope in studies. Asked to get a ritual done. They made me wear stones and I was always told that I have to make
a cow eat ‘roti’. First ‘roti’. I thought there was a cow in
neighbourhood so I used to go. One lady used to observe me every day, that
I’m going always. One day she asked me,
where do I go? I see you every day. I said I go to feed cows. She said, where are the cows? I said, they are there, tied. They aren’t cows.
All of them are bull. How many times did you feed? 15-20 days. You never noticed it? I just
saw the tail. – Kapil. Khushboo,
did you study after that? Now, I’m a dentist. You are a dentist?
– Great. Yes.
– Wow. So those who say that there
is no scope for studies they themselves are uneducated. Could be.. – That’s why,
they are into palm reading. We shouldn’t believe them. I don’t believe all this.
– Parents do believe it. So are you married, Khushboo? Yes, I have a son. Your husband
didn’t accompany you? He didn’t know
that Sonakshi was coming otherwise he would have come. I’m coming again,
so send him the next time. It was great to meet you,
Khushboo. – Thank you so much.
– Thanks for coming on the show. Thank you.. Anybody else from the audience
wants to share their thoughts. Hello, Mr. Kapil.
– Hello. Hello, Mr. Akshay.
Ms. Sonakshi. Hello.
– Ms. Kirti, Ms. Taapsee, Ms. Archana.
– Hello. Say hi to even
Raghunandan Lal too. Okay. What is your name? My name is Nitin. Nitin. – I am from
Rajasthan, Gharsana. Okay. – Actually, sir, when
I was in my 12th grade.. Okay.
– …I used to feel very lonely. I wished to have
a girlfriend with whom I could
share a lot of things. In your 12th grade itself,
you were so desperate.. I mean, you felt
the need for a girlfriend. What happened after that?
Tell us. Once I had been to a hotel and there was
a tarot card reader there. I asked that person
why I am not able to find a girlfriend for myself. That person told me to feed
‘jalebi’ to a black dog. Wow! Taapsee.. – I did not..
– …did you hear what he said? No. I mean..
– Why did you look at me? Did you do it? No, I am saying..
– Yes, I did. Did it work? I used to keep it in front
of dog and leave from there. I did it for around five days. And sir, I.. Seriously,
I got into a relationship. And that relationship
is still going strong even now. That’s amazing.
Amazing. With whom you got
into a relationship? With the dog?
– Really? Thank you, Nitin.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Anyone else? Yes, ma’am. Hello, Mr. Kapil. Hello.
– Hello, everyone. Hello, Ms. Archana.
– Hi. I don’t
believe in such things. – Okay. Because mine
is a love marriage. My parents were against it. Okay.
– There were a lot of problems. They had made
my brother my bodyguard. They stopped me
from going to school. I was under house arrest.
It was very difficult. Okay. – My ex-boyfriend.
He said that we should
consult someone. I mean some astrologer. We showed our horoscopes
to an astrologer. So, he said that our
horoscopes don’t match at all. That we will
never get married. What happened after that? He said that even
if we get married our marriage will fall apart
in a couple of years. Okay. – But nothing of
that sort happened. And we both got married
with the consent of his parents
and mine as well. And we have two kids now. And they too have kids. We have been married
for 28 years now. Amazing.
– Wow! If you have the will power
and if your love is true the planets don’t
affect you in any way. Even your children
have children, is it? Yes.
– Wow! You don’t look like
you have grandchildren. My daughter has two kids. Wow!
– Wow! Has your husband
come with you? Yes.
– How are you doing, sir? Your story is very interesting. Congratulations. You both make a cute pair.
– Thank you. Thank you.
– Thank you. Anyone else? Hello, everyone.
– Hello. My name is Bronali.
And I have come from Assam to thank
Mr. Akshay Kumar because Assam was affected
by floods last month and he has donated Rs. 2 crore
to the flood victims. I want everyone to give
a big round of applause for him. So, I specially
came to this show to thank Mr. Akshay Kumar
and of course, for Kapil. Thank you. And also,
I want to sing a song for Kapil. Dedicating to Kapil.
– Is it? Do you see, Mr. Akshay?
Girls like me too. Not just you. Yes, Kapil, I really love you. And I want to say
this in Assamese. Thank you.
– I love you. ‘I love you.’ So cute. She meant, she will
make ‘malpua’ for him. Hi, how are you? Hello..
– Hi.. Just a second.
Let me take this call. Hi, how are you, Aunt?
Is everything fine? Everything is fine because the cast of
‘Mission Mangal’ is here! I’ll hang up now.
Okay.. Hi, how are you all?
– Hi.. Hello.
– Hi, Sapna, how are you? – Hi.. Since there are so many
people on the show today I don’t know where
to start from. Be patient,
I’ll talk to everyone. Yes..
– Okay.. Kapil, let’s flip a coin.
What do you say? Fine.. ‘Eenie Meenie Miney mo.’ ‘Catch a bad chick by her toe.’ ‘If she hollas’ ‘let her go..’ Fine,
I’ll talk to Mr. Akshay first. But ‘let her go’
finished with her, right? Yes, that’s why
I let her turn go! Sit here and talk.
– Yes. How are you, Mr. Akshay?
– Amazing.. I know he is quite irritated
by our repetitive talks. Let’s do something else. Mr. Akshay wakes up at 12 noon. He does just one movie
in every three years. He doesn’t earn much and that’s why he doesn’t
pay much tax as well. What are you talking about? He wakes up at 4 a.m. every day! He does four films every year
and pays a lot of tax. He is the one who let it all
out! Teach him a lesson now. Don’t get angry on me! He has already said all this. Don’t say all this.
You know about his reaction.. You know everything. Sonakshi, welcome. How are you?
– I’m fine, thank you. I feel good when you come..
– How is your.. How is your Nalasopara’s.. My Nalasopara’s son?
He’s totally fine. I’m glad to hear that..
Convey my regards to him. You come here so many times that his job is in danger now.
– Why? Everyone was discussing outside that this is
Sonakshi Sinha’s show and we are the performers in it! There’s a lot of tension here. We don’t have as many episodes
as the number of movies he’s in. But..
– Isn’t that a good thing? It is a good thing. I pray that you keep
acting in more movies and that you come here often..
– I think I should get a room next to your parlour. Yes, Of course,
you are always welcome. I will give you different
types of massages as well. No, I don’t want that. There’s a thing about Mr. Akshay
that I don’t like What?
– I.. Hey, don’t cry. You look
like a man when you cry. I am laughing. Mr. Akshay has been on
our show many times. Yes.
– Has he ever given us a chance to act in a movie? Has he ever called you?
It is so wrong. But he comes here for promoting
his movies. Of course, it’s for promotion.
Give me a minute. I have a question for you. When there is a promotion.. For instance, when a constable
gets promoted he becomes an inspector. What do you become
when you get promoted? Tell them. What do we become? We become superstar from a star. When we promote a movie,
we get more movies. Then we grow more popular. Then they put
our name in Forbes. So..
– No, I find it wrong. A film gets released
only after it’s promotion. What’s wrong in it?
– I will tell you what’s wrong. When you come here to promote
your movies Sony TV writes him
a huge cheque. That’s true.
– He builds a big bungalow. Do you know that he has a nine
storeyed house in Lokhandwala? I have been there, I’ve seen it.
– You have seen it, haven’t you? Yes.
– He even has an elevator that takes him to his room. And his terrace is so big.
– Yes. The entire terrace belongs
to you, doesn’t it? The one where you
have your sittings. Yes, he has a big ground
where he plays cricket. He is so sassy that he has
Irfan Khan and Mika upstairs and downstairs respectively
for his security. Mr. Irfan is downstairs and Mika
is upstairs. Yes, you will keep Mika upstairs because he is Punjabi.
He favours Punjabi people. He has Punjabis everywhere. This untalented person
has opened his restaurant in front of me. His friends are sitting here. The Punjabi with a guitar
and him too. Mr. Akshay is Punjabi as well. So what? The Punjabis
are good people. They are so generous.
– Yes. Ms. Archana,
aren’t you a Punjabi? Yes, you can say that.
– Yes. It’s not necessary that all
the Punjabis should be rich. Hey, you shouldn’t
speak to her like that. You can’t scold me. You talk more nonsense
about her than I do. Yes..
– You don’t get to say it. What did I say?
– Don’t underestimate her. She earns through hard work. Although, it’s someone
else’s hard work she does benefit from it. Isn’t that so? She does. That brings us to Ms. Kulhari. Hi, Ms. Kirti Kulhari,
how are you? I am good. Please don’t go near trees,
you might cut them. I know it was a bad joke.
– Yes. I had prepared a few
jokes about you but this was the best one. Then let it be.
– Was that your best one? Wouldn’t I be sitting
here instead of you if I had a better
joke than this? I would have been
interviewing them. Ms. Kirti, when are you
giving me the ‘Kulhari’? When do you want it? That is her surname. You should learn English
first. She is a madam. She should have a madam-name.
Why should she have a surname? Don’t change her gender. You have obliterated me
by changing my gender. Am I right or am I wrong? Sir, I was asking about my son. Mukesh?
– Yes. Sir, I have a son
in Nalasopara. Please take him to Mars. Why he wants to go
to Mars? He doesn’t have
meat in his body. Sir, it’s true. He’s very thin.
It’s all bones in his body. Yesterday, a dog bit his leg. The dog’s jaw got stuck
between his leg bones. The dog got stuck. So I tried to pull its tail. The jaw remained there
but the body came out. Sonakshi, do you know
what’s the problem with the dog? Kapil, now it can never bark.
– Why? It’s damaged, right?
Now no voice comes out. Only the steam comes out. Just like this. So, the dog is facing
such problems. Please take him to Mars. Hello, Mars doesn’t mean meat.
– Okay. It’s a planet. We can
go there in space shuttles. It’s very far.
– No issue, he can go in a vest. It’s true. He travels everywhere
wearing a vest and a underwear. He says, try this, your clothes
will never get dirty. You also try it.
You will look good in it. Why didn’t you say it
to Mr. Akshay? He will break my legs
if I say it to him. He will not say a word here. But after packing up, he will
take me to his vanity van. And he will say,
‘Come, I will drop you home’. So, it’s good for you, right?
– No, it’s not. Who wants to go home,
tired behind a van like this? Sir, please take him
to Mars. Listen, first you need to go
to ISRO before going to Mars. He’s in ISRO for ten years.
– How? When he was a student he used to stink very bad. So his friends used to tell him,
don’t sit in ‘That-row’. Sit in ‘This-row’. So, he was there for ten years
in ISRO. How would they not allow
him to go there? Oh, God!
– Sir Ms. Sonakshi
has come here before. Sir has also come here before. We have a parlour here.
– Okay. So I give a different
kind of a massage. Can you come with us? We have different kinds
of massage. We have ‘Copy that massage’.
It’s your dialogue, right? Yes.
– We have that massage. What do you do in that?
– In that we call the customer
and undress him. Then we rub oil on our own body.
– ‘Copy that..’ We massage our own body
and say ‘Copy that’. Then the customer
repeats that. So,
it’s that kind of a massage. Then we have a very special.
– Okay. ‘Kirti Kulhari Massage’.
– Whoa! What’s in that? In that there’s an axeman. Axeman?
– Right. His axe falls in a river.
– Okay. Then suddenly God appears.
– Okay. God gives him a golden axe. He says, it’s not my axe. Then he looks at God
and God looks at him. God says, you are right. And..
– Why are you telling us the story of axeman? The massage is not yet invented,
I can only tell stories, right? How can I describe a massage
in her name? Well It’s time for me to leave.
– Right. I’ll leave now. You see, your director..
– Who? RK Balki.
– R Balki. I need to go and give
him a head massage. Bye!
– Bye. Listen! Hey you!
– Krushna! – Listen! I hope you are not
going to beat me. – No.. In how many episodes have you
played a female character? Well.. Almost 70 episodes.
– Seventy episodes, really! Yes.
– Yes.. Do you have all the qualities
of a girl? No, only.. – I hope
you’ve learnt all of them. I can portray them for only
10 minutes. After that.. But I’m sure you have learnt. As you all know
that in 70 episodes.. Krushna has featured
in 70 episodes. As a girl. Now I wish to see..
I’ve brought a special thing and I wish to see
if he has those qualities. Today, Ms. Sapna will prepare
‘puris’ for us. – Really! Just like it is shown
in our movie.. ‘Puri’..
– ‘Puris’ were made. – Great. I’ve brought a gas stove. I’ve brought
all the ingredients. And you will prepare one ‘puri’. Sir, I can become Amrish Puri.
– No, not Amrish Puri.. Bring it! Come here.
– So many rolling boards.. So many rolling boards..
I’m afraid he might ask us to prepare as well..
– Yes. So as you all can see I have the dough. And this is a rolling pin. First of all,
we’ll request Ms. Sapna to roll the dough nicely..
– Into a circle. We’ll ask her to roll
the dough into a circle. You’ve assigned me a tough task. Sapna.. Sapna.. – Sapna.. Come on! You can do it! Dear, I didn’t ask you
to roll it into a map of India. You’ve to do it properly,
remember it. This looks like
the map of Australia. Sir,
soon it’ll change its shape. What are you doing? Roll it..
Roll it into circle. What have you prepared? Look. Okay, sir. Wait a minute.
– Oh, God! Let me try. Sir, I have tried
to do it properly. – Yes.. No, but this is not round.
– Not bad. Not bad. – Not bad.
– Approximately round. It will stick to the board.
He didn’t use flour. Tell me, sir. Not bad.
– Can any one of you tell me if this is round?
– Almost. No..
– Almost.. No.. Ms. Sonakshi, please come here
and give it a try. Go.. – One day
you are going to get married and work in the kitchen. Please come here. We can order food
from restaurants. But.. It’s okay.
Please try once. I don’t know how to do it. It’s very easy. Try once. Taapsee. I knew he’d ask me as well. Now..
– Come.. Come over here. Kirti, come..
– I’ve a little experience. Kirti, come. You’re using too much flour. Come this side. Over there..
– I don’t think.. – Wow. Expert comment. This is double the amount
needed. Where is it?
Take this. Yes, I’ll do it.. Be careful of the..
– It looks good. You are going to judge them and the winner will get a phone. Do you have a phone?
– I am happy seeing such famous actresses
prepare ‘puris’.. What will we get?
– …on our show. You’ll get a prize. – Phone. Hello, no one is
paying attention! Yes.. – I’ve done it! You will spill the oil. Is this good? Yes.. Sonakshi has done
a good job. Very good. Yay! Taapsee has made it perfect. Wow.
– Look at Taapsee. This flour is too much. Look at this. These ‘puris’ are so big. I am moving along
so that I can make it round. I think now.. Taapsee is doing
it perfectly. It will swell.. My mother would
be so happy today.. I’ve never done this. My mother will be so happy
watching this episode.. Yes, she’ll be happy. I think she might cry. Let’s check. Careful.
It’s got too much flour. Wow. Sonakshi has put so much
flour on the ‘puri’ that.. In the oil.. …the flour will come off
and the ‘Puri’ will be as it is. Akshay, you have worked
in the kitchen. Right? What do you think
I am doing right now? The ‘Puri’ is swelling up. Nice. But, Mr. Akshay,
there is a problem. Yes, tell me. I used this oil to massage. Oh, no! I swear to God,
I’ll make you eat this ‘Puri’.. Yes, he has done it very well. Look at Taapsee’s ‘puri’.
It’s perfectly round. Wow. It’s great. Wow. Wow. I make ‘Roti’ at home. Oh, my God. My first ‘Puri’. I’ll frame it. Come on. Thank you. Thank you very much. The ‘Puris’ are coming along. Our viewers want to ask
a few questions. Mr. Akshay,
there are some rumours. Yes. So, I’ll start with you. People say that you don’t
go to the parties because you don’t want
to throw the parties and waste money. Is this a rumour or the truth? T-This is truth. This is the truth. There is one more rumour.
Last one.. You call Ms. Twinkle and
explain her any romantic scene that you are about to do
and seek her permission. No. Okay. Mr. Akshay is free to go. Sonakshi,
there is a rumour about you. You spill out secrets
if you are fed ‘pani puri’. No, I can eat anything. Someone can feed you delicacies
and you’ll reveal secrets? When I am fed good things,
I feel happy and I reveal anything. The rumour is right. Another rumour is.. Luv-Kush, Sonkashi’s brothers,
used to take Sonakshi to their school when they
used to get into a fight. They used to take you
to beat the boys. Is it true? No, but they should have. Okay. You are passionate. They should have.. Taapsee, there is a rumour
that you had a break-up when you were
in the 9th grade. What! Yes.. That’s because the guy
wanted to score good marks in the 10th grade. Yes, that’s true. Really? He said he wanted
to concentrate on his board
exams so he thought that we couldn’t
be together anymore. He must’ve scored high marks
and watching you right now. He has scored really well. Go on with your exam. Things people do.. Taapsee, once you
stuck a chewing gum in your hair
to get a haircut. That’s right. Is it? All the rumours are true. My folks will watch this and.. Oh, no! My hair is too long
and curly. It’s very difficult
to maintain them. I used to spend an entire
Sunday taking care of my hair. I was very irritated. Then you planned
on doing this. Then, I.. Then, I..
I got a haircut. I came back home
and I cried a lot. I told them that I got
chewing gum stuck in my hair and I had to cut them. It was not my mistake. I created the entire drama. You have always been an actor. What if they come
to know about it now? Now.. I don’t know.
I hope, they won’t scold me. Okay. Kirti,
there is a rumour about you. You like me. This is a rumour. This is the truth
of my life, Kapil. I accept this on your show
and reveal this. Yes, I am in love.
I love you. I can’t carry on
with the show anymore. He is doomed.
– I want to enjoy the moment. Akshay.. Shall I give
you chance to earn money? Of course! I love it! We play ‘Ke Bhail
Crorepati’ here. You can earn money in that. Get it quickly! Greetings!
– Greetings! Greetings, ladies
and gentlemen.. Welcome to the game, ‘Ke Bail Crorepati’! Yo.. It’s said that arenas
are known for ‘Dangal’.. and our guests today
are from ‘Mission Mangal’! Sir, I rhymed ‘Dangal’
and ‘Mangal’.. Very good! – I believed
I should’ve been a poet.. But no, I couldn’t be! It’s because you were
in a hurry to become obese. How could you become a poet? Don’t waste time! Akshay has
to go to sleep and wake up. Only six hours are remaining. You lay around like
a drum until midnight. Be quick! And don’t fall down. We’ll need 10 men
to pick you up. Look, woman.. Man..
Whatever you are! If you interfere my
game, I’ll put in a lousy game. And that will be bad for you. You can then keep
on playing, all right? Hey, boiled potato!
– Stop! Akshay! – Yes?
– You acted in a ‘Blue’ film. No.. I apologise..
That’s not what I meant. I wanted to say..
– I acted in the film, ‘Blue’. ‘Blue’.. It’s the name of the
film.. – Blue.. Taapsee, you’ve acted in a film,
‘Pink’. – Yes. There you go, we’ve got
Colors on Sony today. There you go, we’ve got
Colors on Sony today. What’s airing on Colors then? Sir.. I crack jokes..
That’s create an ambience. So I try to do it. Anyway, as you guys can see. Akshay, you’ve got
beautiful women with you and I’ve got an ape with me. Hey, dinosaur egg. If you speak nonsense,
I’ll tear in two! Speaking nonsense.. I.. – Obese guy.
– What did you just say? Obese? Do I look obese to you? Then don’t look at me! Or I’ll start looking
pretty to you in a while. Because ‘he looks
lovely in cold’. That was for humour too, sir.
Humour is good for life. Let’s get on with the game then. Let’s tell you about the rules
of the game.. – Hello! How could it not happen! How..
– What are you doing! Hello! Why not! Answer the phone call
if you dare! Hello? Have you reached,
Chandrayaan? When coming back,
get two bottles for me with free custom charge. Yes, I’ve got ‘Sardi’. Hey, how come you’re cold! My sister-in-law’s
name is Sardi. Don’t talk nonsense! Beauties with ‘Mangal Mission’.
Wow! It’s nice to see you. Is the film black and white?
– Greetings, sir. Greetings, ma’am. Akshay, a big fan! He used to do four films
a year before. He’s got actresses
for four films in one now! Wow! That’s true..
– Again, I must tell you. That’s the biggest of the
achievements in the world. What? Biggest of the?
– Just a minute. You’ve got so much
to talk about. I wanted change for Rs. 500.
Do you have it? – Yes, I do. Here. – Rs. 500. Here you go. It’s just Rs. 130.
Where’s the rest of Rs. 370? 370 finished a long time ago. Wow.. Oh, my God! Applaud the guy who
speaks nonstop nonsense! Wow.. Very good! Girls should be like Taapsee,
Sonakshi and Kirti. Now look at her, she’s
a woman made with welding. Why? – But, Akshay,
she’s very talented. She can stop an elephant’s
fart with her hand. What the heck are you saying! Hey, I’ve never
stopped your fart! Tell him! When did I do that? Hey, lousy girl! Exercise decency. Or else I’ll break
your decency, all right? All right, let’s begin the game! Just a minute..
I’ll host a game today. You will? – I’ll ask questions
to these three today. These three are scholars. Scholars? – If you don’t
have any objections.. Look..
– Even if you have objections.. Look, if anyone has the right..
– No, if you have any objection. He is ‘Khiladi’. No, you are ‘Khiladi’.
So you host the game today. I don’t mind.
Please come. Take my seat. No..
Please sit down. Please sit down. Remember one thing.
I am not making you jobless. Okay?
I am playing only for today. After that,
you will be the host. I see.
I am the co-pilot today. Absolutely.
Ready. – Okay. The one who gives the correct
answer of this question will get the moon.
– The moon. Are all three of you ready? Listen to me carefully
and answer. The question is..
– By the way, I.. Taapsee, I want to ask you
something that is meant for adults.
– Why? – Hey.. I am eighteen plus.
– Hey.. Don’t you dare
ask her anything vulgar. I will. Eighteen plus..
– I will ask her something that’s meant for adults. This time, we will go
to cast vote together. What’s this? Is it right to ask such
a beautiful girl this question? Where is your dignity? Respect!
– Don’t shout. Your loincloth got untied
earlier too. He is talking rubbish. Ms. Taapsee, I would like
to tell you something. – Sure. Would you accompany me..
– To cast vote? – for a movie? From 9 pm till 12 midnight. But 9 means 9! Sir, say something.
It shouldn’t happen that he keeps blabbering
and becomes number one. Say something.
– If you are going with him I will book one seat for you
and six seats for him. What shall I say?
Look at her. She looks like
a rotten dead mouse. Look at him.
Someone has paste a moustache on papaya. I have liked it. Look at her. As if a horse has swollen
a sugarcane. That too, in reverse direction. Yes.
Look at him. He looks like a rotten pumpkin. Look at her.
As if.. As if Krushna is sitting here. Hey. Don’t talk much.
Eat and go to sleep. Don’t keep blabbering
like a middle age lady. Everything is fine.
Might is right. I run a family of eight. I can do whatever I want. I can go wherever I want. I will call a fair complexioned
person dusky. I will call
my brother-in-law uncle. I will call a river canal. I will open a lock
without a key. Don’t say anything about me.
Sit quietly. Don’t utter a single word.
Don’t try to teach me. I will drink tea and coffer
with curd. Wow! He called me Krushna.
So Govinda inside me woke up. You idiot!
– Just a moment. You kept blabbering
for two hours in one hour show which no one understood. Agree.
– You better don’t do it again. Please take your seat. Oh, God!
– Let’s proceed now. Because I don’t have time.
I will go to sleep after this. Okay?
– Yes, hurry up. The question is.. All of you know
everything about space. Tell me
if the earth is called ‘mother’ the moon is called ‘uncle’ then what is the sun called? What is the sun called? Option A, the sun is hot. Is the sun Barjatiya? Is it called sun but no one knows
whose son it is? Wow!
– Or the sun has set friends..
– Have two pegs. No..
This option.. My apology..
– The sun has set have two..
– The sun has set have two pegs. But Mr. Akshay Kumar has
nothing to do with that. So I will remove it.
– ‘I will remove it.’ Moreover, he goes to sleep
after the sunset. So it’s not valid. I am just saying.
– Correct.. This option is not valid.
Choose from other three options. I am sorry.
My apology. Mr. Akshay, I have
a question for you. Go ahead.
– Whose son.. It’s the sun
bit whose son it is? Hold on. When an aged person
is speaking.. Please listen to Mr. Arora.
– Sorry. Sorry..
– Expert. Yes. Mr. Akshay, I have
a question for you. Your wife is a very good writer.
– Yes. If I want her to write
a book about Taapsee Pannu how many pages
will that book have? Let’s proceed.
– Response.. Option C.
– Yes. No, B..
– It’s the sun who sun it is?
– Yes. – That’s C. Okay, that’s C? Yes, it’s the sun
but whose son it is. Option C. – It’s
the sun but whose son it is. We don’t know
whose son it is. Option C.
– Sure? Yes.
– Have you thought through? Yes.
– What do you think? Option C.
– C? Okay. Let’s put Option C. Don’t play music
that is used for horror movies. You will be happy to know
that your answer is correct! Yes! You will get a chance
to come to another episode. It’s a big thing. Because those who come
to this show get very less opportunities
to come here. These three ladies
have got that chance. Please give them
a big round of applause. Thank you.. Congratulations! Thank you.. Let’s proceed now.
– Here is next question. The bride’s family calls
the groom home for tea to talk about the marriage. As everyone knows,
I don’t drink tea or coffee. Nor do I drink cold drink. For which did Twinkle’s
family call me then? They can’t call him for tea. Option A.
For lukewarm water. Option B. For morning walk.
– Wow! Option C.
For film promotion. And option ‘D’. ‘They didn’t invite me
because they’ve seen me’ ‘in the movies and they knew’ ‘the boy was a player.’ Wow! Mr. Arora, what do you think? Here’s what I think. Taapsee, if you ever
want to get married do let me know. I’m a bachelor
for the next six months. But, do tell me with
enough time in hand because I have to then
reject Archana. Hey, Mr. Arora.
– Yes? Do you know where the sea is? Yes.
Not too far actually. Okay, why don’t you jump
in to the sea and drown? You’re always talking
non-sense. Can I tell you something?
– Yes. It’s not that you’re ugly. It’s your face that’s broken. I see.
You’re no ‘Tom Cruise’ yourself. You look like a cold, left over
paratha from ‘Chandni Chowk’. Hey, don’t talk about
‘Chandni Chowk’. – Right. I’m from ‘Chandni Chowk’. No.
I mean, he is. Hey, ‘over produced’ woman. Would you like to die?
Do you want to? Hey, all right.
Just shut up. Give us your answer.
– I want to ask the experts because I’m confused
between ‘C’ and ‘D’. ‘A’, ‘B’, ‘C’ or ‘D’,
which is it? It’s ‘D’. All right, it’s ‘D’.
Let’s go with the audience. All right. That’s your
final answer? – Yes. You’re sure?
– Yes. Computer, her answer
is ‘D’. It’s ‘D’. It’s totally correct!
– Correct? Yeah! Give a huge round of applause
for the ladies. Tonight, we’ll present
the moon to her. Bring out the moon. Bring it please.
– The moon! You’ll get the moon.
– The moon! You have the moon back there?
– I’m not sure about this. The moon!
– Oh! Welcome, Chand. Here’s your Chand. Tell them. It’s the cute ‘uncle Moon’. Who is that ‘jelly fish’? Hey, he is my uncle.
His name is Chand Kumar. Oh, my God.
– He’s my uncle. You can go sit in her car.
She won. I know he won’t get in the car.
He eats the tires. Now, you wouldn’t believe this. People sit in the toilet but he sits a top wells. What an uncle. You’re leaking
from the sides. Yes.
And another thing how can he be your uncle? Why?
No one else can have an uncle? Yuck. Yuck.
– Yuck. Yuck, uncle.
– Yes, yuck. Get in the car before you
face more humiliation. Right. Moving on. Here’s the next question. In one of my film,
‘Rowdy Rathore’ I had a particular dialogue. It goes, ‘I do what I say’ ‘and the things I don’t say,
I definitely do them’. So, what’s that thing I definitely do? Good question. Option ‘A’. Do I do this? Option ‘B’. ‘To put myself
in the ‘Forbes List’.’ Option ‘C’. Pay attention.
This one is complicated. ‘I do things that I
have reservation to talk about’ ‘so, I definitely do them,
but I don’t tell anyone.’ Oh!
– Okay. I’m sure that’s the one.
– Or is it option ‘D’. Pay attention. ‘Or do I’ ‘schedule early morning
shoots’ ‘and ruin the sleep
of my co-stars?’ That’s right..
– Yes.. This is the one! It’s this one! This is the..
– This morning we go up at 5 a.m.
to get ready. Wow! I have to say this, Sonakshi. I’ve done a lot of movies but this is your best acting
so far. I mean..
She speaks from the heart. I’ve never seen acting
filled with rage. I should tell you,
that was from her heart. I believe I’ve genuinely
hurt her in some way. I want to apologies to her
in front of the audience. I’m sorry I scheduled shoots
for early morning. Please don’t apologies.
Don’t do this. I-I’m about to cry. I mean, I wanted..
– We’re about to cry too. We get up. We do our hair..
– We do get up at 5 am. Put on our make-up.
Wear nice shoes and dresses. We go for the shoot
and then stay awake
the whole time. We unlock our own shutters.
– We also need to look awake. It’s so difficult. She shows up in her
jogging cloths. That’s true. I too experienced
the morning routine. This is so unfair.
No way.. Is it wrong that I
ask them to get up early and come for work? We don’t mind
getting up at 6 am.. Here’s the thing,
she had to give up her habit of staying up
late night. The time Akshay Kumar
gets up in the morning is when I go to bed. She’s a nocturnal creature. She can’t help it.
– Let’s move on. I have a question for Sonakshi.
– What’s that? Let me just be direct.
Are you free this evening? No, she’s busy,
she needs to find an address. Who’s?
– Yours. Because the rubbish
you’re saying will get you a beating
from Mr. Shatru. Be careful. Take it easy. Great.
Well said. You know how Neil Armstrong was the first human
to set foot on the moon? Likewise,
I’ll be the first person to set foot
on their chests. I have made this decision.
– Lovely! I will even stand
on their legs and dance. Hey! Start the game. It’s time for
Mr. Akshay to sleep. Do it soon. – Right. Ms. Sapna is right.
Tell me your response. Yes, do it. – What should I say?
– Option D? Option D?
– What was the question? He wakes everyone up soon
and makes them work. We will go with Option D.
– Option D. – Option D. Yes.
– Are you sure? No. No. All right, let me tell you
the answer. Her answer is..
– Absolutely right. It’s absolutely right! Let me tell you all. They win Ms. Archana’s car. Go, take it! Take it! Take it! My driver is there. Sir,
it’s Ms. Archana’s car keys. What should I do then? He is my driver..
– Is he your driver? – Yes. Why is he here? He is here to take
my car’s keys. – So what? Your car keys are gone.
– How dare you intervene! Take it. Get lost! Nonsense.. Listen, come here. Wear an underwear. How do you find that out? They don’t have manners. They are very insolent.
– Right. It’s a big show.
We will give big gifts. We are giving moon
and cars. – Right. Ms. Archana, please handle
your driver. Sure.. – He should not
intervene in such shows. It’s just a car.
– It’s just a car. Just a second.
Hello, Mr. Sony! Please tear the fatso’s cheque. Mr. Akshay Kumar has done
his job. Okay!
– Sir, if you.. Kirti, if you’re getting bored,
you can hug me. Come on..
– You won’t believe it. I have a hugs and kisses shop
in Karol Bagh. It’s very famous. Sir, you don’t try to hug
so many people. You’re asking them to hug you. Hey, you look like a momo.
Hurry up. Let us proceed with the game.
They are celebrities. They have lots of work. Am I right, sir?
– Hey, you stay quiet. There’s no need for you
to speak so much. If you talk too much,
I’ll forget that you’re a woman. Do you understand?
– Wow.. You have asked them
all the questions. It’s okay, sir.
There’s no problem. You have put up a great show. I would like to ask you
a question. Sir, you have visited Mars.
That’s very nice. Very good! It’s a great thing. I heard there’s no water
on Mars. Why is there no water on Mars? Why no water.. You are very interested
in asking questions, right? Let us tell him if there is
water on Mars or no. If it’s there, then how much
it is. We won’t waste this water. Because this is the water
which we collected by standing in the rain. We will tell you
what this game is. Come on.. Okay!
You keep this water here. All three of you come here. Now we’ll play the game. If you make a mistake,
we’ll pour this water on you. Come on.. Are you ready? You need to be fast. The bird flew. The dog flew. All three of them. This is not right.
– All three of them. All three of them.
– All three.. There’s a mic behind. Oh, God! He ran away! Come on.. Mr. Arora! Mr. Arora!
– Come on.. Give him
a huge round of applause. Here’s the water.
– I’ll pour it with love. With lots of love..
Hey! Pour it on him.. I will pour it with lots of
love. With lots of love.. Okay!
– It didn’t splash on him.. Now come close to me. Oh God.. His reaction..

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