Why MBBS is keeping me single – Stand up comedy by Goutham

Good evening guys (this is Indian Medico and this is NOT a concise presentation) This is my second time doing stand up The first time I did stand up, it turned out to be a Ted talk So hopefully this time it’ll be better (apparently it turned out to be the same as first time) I’m Goutham. In fact I am Dr. Goutham No, that’s not a joke. (stop laughing mofos) I completed my MBBS recently I’m Dr. Goutham I love my profession a lot That’s why when my friends are attending medical conferences I’m here doing stand up Also, my friends have Dr. House as their role model You know Dr. House, right? The guy from the TV series I’ve Dr. Arjun Reddy as my role model U know Arjun Reddy, right? The vada vow vow guy *insert Arjun Reddy bgm* So the thing is I love Dr. Arjun Reddy and Dr. Arjun Reddy loves alcohol. So I love alcohol The thing is it’s very tough being an alcoholic in this country People tend to attribute all bad things in your life to alcohol Goutham, you don’t have a girlfriend because of your drinking problem Goutham, you have health issues because of your drinking problem Goutham, India is losing wickets in New Zealand because of your drinking problem So they tend to attribute everything to your drinking problem But still I love alcohol I love alcohol so much so that I decided to get a gf just because they denied me stag entry to a bar So, that’s when I decided I need a gf I got a gf. Just kidding. As you could’ve guessed from my looks, I didn’t get a gf (sad face) Let me rephrase it better. I couldn’t get a gf Obviously I couldn’t get a gf, 80% because of my looks and 20% because of my profession. I’ll explain you why I’m a doctor (saying it for the nth time) The thing is I can’t date nurses, right? Imagine a hypothetical situation where I take a hot nurse to a date I would still be needing to call her sister That’s not right. So I can’t date nurses (searches for jokes in my palm) And one more thing Because I am doctor Even my pickup lines are medical So, the other day I texted my crush – ‘Babe I wish you have a cardiac arrest So that I can blow your mouth #CPR_rocks That was the last time I saw her DP and status So yeah I couldn’t get a gf (desperate face) That’s why I hate it when people crack jokes on arranged marriages Because arranged marriages are the only way I can get laid So I hate it when people crack jokes on arranged marriages One good thing about being a doctor is you are financially stable (poor joke alert!) So there’s a similarity between my bank balance and the bank balance of Bill Gates. Like, my entire bank balance and the number of commas in Bill Gates’ bank balance are the same Ya (self realisation that it was a poor joke) And being a medical student in India is very tough Like A medical student is basically a contraceptive guide for his non medical friends One good thing about contraception is that people like me don’t need any contraception My face is the best contraceptive Thank you *insert mic drop*

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